Loveless
Alice OsemanSözler ve Alıntılar
In the end, that was the problem with romance. It was so easy to romanticise romance because it was everywhere. It was on music and TV and in filtered Instagram photos. It was in the air, crisp and alive with fresh possibility. It was in falling leaves, crumbling wooden doorways, scuffed cobblestones and fields of dandelions. It was in the touch of hands, scrawled letters, crumpled sheets and the golden hour. A soft yawn, early morning laughter, shoes lined up together by the door. Eyes across on a dance floor.
I could see it all, all the time, all around but when I got closer, I found that nothing was there.
A mirage.
I hadn't realised how behind I was. I'd spent so much time thinking that my one true love would just show up one day. I had been wrong. I had been so, so wrong. Everyone else was growing up, kissing, having sex, falling in love, and I was just...
I was just a child.
Was that such a bad thing? To want an intimate connection with another human?
If the university experience was all about bad decisions, at least I was doing something right.
“Was that all I would be? Sad and lonely? Forever?
Had I doomed myself by daring to think about this part of me?
Was I just accepting a life of solitude?
As soon as those questions hit me, they opened the floodgate to all the doubts I thought I’d been fighting off.
Maybe it was all just a phase.
Maybe this was giving up.
Maybe I should keep trying.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.”
“It was something adults said all the time. You’ll change your mind when you’re older. You never know what might happen. You’ll feel differently one day. As if we teenagers knew so little about ourselves that we could wake up one day a completely different person. As if the person we are right now doesn’t matter at all.”
“I felt like I was grieving. I was grieving this fake life, a fantasy future that I was never going to live.”