Lil.Carno Loves Albert Wesker
@HoundOfScream
"Ne yapmak istediğine, ne yapması gerektiğine, ne yapmaya mecbur olduğuna dair hiçbir fikri bulunmayan kafası karmakarışık tek bir varlıktım."
-Tüm Sistemler Çöktü, Martha Wells
25 librarian point
260 reader point
Joined on June 2020
Okuma Hedefleri
In all the times I had taken someone’s life, not once had I felt as broken and hollow as I had after Mendax.
What a fool I was.
When would I feel good about what I had done for my family? Would it ever feel right?
Already, I missed the gentle comforts of the darkness.
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What was I doing here? I didn’t belong here.
With the smile still plastered on my face, I walked back to the guard who held my bag and scanned his gold armor. They were either really powerful and didn’t need very good armor, or they were foolish and it was for decoration. Either way, it was ineffective.
The smiles fell from the sunlit pair as they noticed the few tears falling down my cheeks, breaking through the dam I’d built.
They smiled and teased each other, and it dawned on me that I’d probably never been as happy as the two of them appeared to be in all my life. While these two had been pampered and waited on, surrounded by a family that loved them, I had been stuck in my own realm, without a family, tracking insects and killing fae that rubbed their mother the wrong way.
I didn’t care who I hurt. I’ve never needed something in return for hurting anyone, and I didn’t need motivation to inflict pain. I was built full of rage.
That was the difference between a so-called villain and hero. It wasn’t about who had the greater powers or tricks. It was about who felt the strongest and to what capacity.
Caly had told me I was a villain.
She must have learned what bad guys are from someone meaning her harm because she has no fucking idea what a villain really is.
Had the guard followed us?
There was nothing.
But I could feel it—that sense of panic animals got when the predator marks them.
If Mendax had been the villain though, then what did that make me, the person who stabbed him in the back? In some stories, the person who slayed the villain instantly became the hero.
I knew I wasn’t the hero.
In my eyes, Aurelius was always the golden boy who somehow, no matter how tough, always seemed to do and say the perfect things, always put a Band-Aid on me when my broken bits felt too rough. He was my hero.
So why couldn’t I stop thinking about the villain?
Maybe if my heart was whole again, it would fill this horrible ache that filled it.
I had gone from tirelessly fighting to get close to Mendax, the Unseelie prince, to fighting to keep myself away from him.