B.
@MinasMorgul
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Fei Du was looking at him without blinking, as if he wanted to use his gaze to make an imprint of his outline and hide it in the deepest, darkest part of his heart, not letting anyone see.
‘If you gaze into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you.’ I don’t know whether you’ve had that feeling. Sometimes I feel like I have a mental disorder and living is pointless.
Trauma can also change a person beyond recognition. Sometimes you look at other people, then look in the mirror, and you feel hollow inside. You think, how did I become like this? I don’t even recognize myself.
Ordinary people pursue things, nothing but houses, cars, careers, love, position, dreams. They’re busy every day, each one of them holding a bellyful of worries and happiness. Their worries are genuine feelings, and their happiness is sincere. They don’t know what ‘inconstancy’ is. They think that today is the same as yesterday is the same as tomorrow. They won’t think, ‘I’m only an ant sitting on a dead leaf floating in the river that can overturn any time.’
But you’re different. You can’t spend your days like that. You’re like a hen that’s had its feathers scared off by a firework and can’t lay eggs anymore.—You look at other people and think that all the things they’re pursuing are illusions. You can’t treat them as real. They can vanish just like that. You have nightmares every day. Your head is full of vain hopes. You’re irritable, worried, anxious for absolutely no reason…
And It doesn’t pass. These things never pass.
Why was it necessary to know the truth? There were some absurd truths it would be more comfortable to spend a lifetime in the dark about.