If someone has only themself their whole life, on-guard against everyone aside from themself at all times and all places, never being close to anyone, never feeling anything for anyone, only loving themself… wouldn’t that be miserable? Being a bad guy… is too painful.
"You become so immersed in bad feelings that they take over your mind."
İnsanların yaptığı ve söylediği şeyler özellikle sevimsizse, kişisel olarak alma eğiliminden sıyrılmaya çalışmalısınız. Sizi eleştirmeleri ya da sizin çıkarlarınıza karşı davranışları çoğunlukla yeniden yaşadıkları çok derindeki acılarından kaynaklanır; yıllar içinde biriktirdikleri hayal kırıklıklarının ve kırgınlıkların hedefi oluverirsiniz. Eğer insanlara bu açıdan bakarsanız, tepki vermemenin, sinirlenmemenin, önemsiz bir çatışmaya katılmamanın daha kolay olduğunu görürsünüz. Eğer karşınızdaki kişi gerçekten kötü niyetliyse, duygusallaşmayarak en uygun karşı hamleyi planlamak için doğru bir konumda olursunuz. Böylece kendinizi acılar ve kötü duygular biriktirmekten korumuş olursunuz.
If what people do and say is particularly unpleasant, you should try to avoid the tendency to take it personally. Their criticism of you or their behaviour against your interests often comes from deep-seated hurts that they are reliving; you become the target of disappointments and resentments that they have accumulated over the years. If you look at people from this point of view, you will find it easier not to react, not to get angry, not to get involved in a petty conflict. If the other person is really malicious, by not getting emotional you are in a good position to plan the most appropriate counter-attack. In this way you protect yourself from accumulating bitterness and bad feelings.
Sayfa 279 - Altın Kitaplar Yayınevi 1. BasımKitabı okuyor
Tell him, Nico di Angelo, said Cupid, voice sounding a lot like someone Nico knew. Tell him that you are a coward, afraid of yourself and your feelings. Tell him the real reason you left Camp Half-Blood, and why you are always alone.
The word echoed around Nico’s head in that strangely familiar voice: coward, coward, coward. That’s what he was,
Sanırım bunu hiç kimse okumayacak
“…feelings themselves are not bad, and do not make us a bad person. It’s what we do with them that matters. Do not judge yourself for your feelings. Judge yourself for your actions.”
Women are skilled at keeping quiet about our pain. This quote attributed to Margaret Atwood encapsulates it all: “Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.” We carry this fear silently, internally. We grow up knowing that, even if we do all the “right” things, bad things like assault, harassment, rape, murder might still happen to us simply because we are women. We are careful about where we park. We carry our keys prepared to theoretically stab someone—though I have yet to hear if this actually works. We are trained to dress and to speak a certain way and in some professional, community, and even family spaces to simply expect and accept harassment and bear it quietly as though our feelings, our sense of safety, our suffering are all things to be taken lightly.
"Vulnerability has become a bit of a buzzword. Folks on social media get credit for it when they share a picture without makeup on or share that they’re having a bad day for any number of reasons. But true vulnerability, the kind of exposure that can feel like an open wound, has nothing to do with social media, or even other people. It is about acknowledging your feelings and expressing them with compassion and care for yourself."
"Y'know... I look fine, but right now my heart... feels like it's at the bottom of a toilet clogged with crap. All the good feelings, all the bad feelings I had up to now... they were all manufactured by somebody else. I'm dumb as a rock, so I was cool with living as the fool, but the next thing I knew my ignorance made it all go down the crapper. Thinking back on it now, I never made any choices for myself... I just got used... Always did as I was told instead of thinking for myself. The only real choices I made were little things like what to eat for lunch. Even if I make it out of this alive, I bet... I'll always be living in obedience to somebody, like a dog."
Vol 11, Chapter 92Kitabı okudu
10 Things Emotionally Intelligent People do not Do
1. They don’t assume that the way they think and feel about a situation is the way it is in reality, nor how it will turn out in the end.
2. Their emotional base points are not external.
Their emotions aren’t “somebody else’s doing,” and therefore “somebody else’s problem to resolve.” (in my words, they take responsibility for their emotions and
it has been one of the greatest and most difficult years of my life. i learned everything is temporary. moments. feelings. people. flowers. i learned love is about giving. everything. and letting it hurt. i learned vulnerability is always the right choice because it is easy to be cold in a world that makes it so very difficult to remain soft. i learned all things come in twos. life and death. pain and joy. salt and sugar. me and you. it is the balance of the universe. it has been the year of hurting so bad but living so good. making friends out of strangers. making strangers out of friends. learning mint chocolate chip ice cream will fix just about everything. and for the pains it can’t there will always be my mother’s arms. we must learn to focus on warm energy. always. soak our limbs in it and become better lovers to the world. for if we can’t learn to be kind to each other how will we ever learn to be kind to the most desperate parts of ourselves.
I’m sorry for making you feel bad when I should’ve done the opposite. I lost the ability to feel love when I was a boy, but you’ve slowly but surely yanked those feelings out of me. You didn’t only yank them out, you also held tight to a part of me I thought was long gone. For you, I want to go back in time and keep that part alive for the moment I met you. In the past, I thought people were destined to leave, so being attached to anyone was useless. And I thought that at some point, you would leave, too. I fought the pull to you. I fought the lure of your rose scent and your breakable softness. But I couldn’t fucking last. Not when I craved your presence the moment you were out of sight. Not when my thoughts of breaking your purity turned to a need to protect it. I told you how different my love is, how dark it can get, but I do love you, more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life. I don’t only need you; I also genuinely cannot live without you and the light you bring to my darkness. I know you deserve better, but I’m unable to let you go, so I’ll try my best to be worthy of you, Lenochka."
Rock bottom isn’t a bad day. It doesn’t happen by chance. We only arrive at rock bottom when our habits begin to compound upon one another, when our coping mechanisms have spiraled so out of control that we can no longer resist the feelings we were attempting to hide.
Sayfa 23Kitabı yarım bıraktı
healthy remorse vs. shame |
The difference between healthy remorse and shame is that remorse says, "I did something bad", while shame says, "I am bad". Remorse focuses on a behavior, while shame focuses on the self. Remorse makes you concerned about the feelings of others, while shame makes you only concerned with your own feelings of worthlessness. Shame does not motivate change because it leads to hopelessness. If I believe that I am bad, I will feel powerless to improve things. Thus, shame is highly correlated with things like addiction, depression, violence, and aggression. Shame will make you want to run away from the problem, while remorse will motivate you to fix it.
Spiritually, shame is very dangerous because it makes you want to hide from Allah, rather than seek forgiveness and try again.
A sociopath feels no guilt. Because of this, he's freed up to do virtually anything without having to pay any internal price for it. A sociopath can say or do anything she wants and not feel bad the next day, or ever. Along with a lack of guilt comes a profound lack of empathy. For the sociopath, other people's feelings are meaningless because she has no ability to feel them. In fact, sociopaths don't really feel anything the way the rest of us do.
Morgan James Publishing
Your thoughts and feelings are an organic part of nature expresing
itself through you. Nature isn't going to be dishonest about how you feel,
and you don't have a choice about what thoughts nature brings up in you.
Accepting the truth of your feelings and thoughts doesn't make you a bad
person. It makes you a whole person, and mature enough to know your
own mind.
