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Review 03/05/22: rtc, happy pub day!!
*****
04/05/22:
Thank you NetGalley for giving me this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Get ready for a google docs rant review kids, this is going to be a bumpy ride.
Never thought my rating of a book could change so much throughout reading it until I read this one, How To Be The Best Third-Wheel. AKA another reason why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (because sometimes books with pretty covers turn out to be boring and a waste of your time!). I picked up HTBTBTW, thinking that I would read a fun rom-com about third wheeling and it delivered that, and it delivered even MORE of that and not in a good way. This book was so unnecessarily long, that I just couldn’t stand it anymore and started skimming the last 100 pages. Though, I must say, it did have a great dedication:
“To my love life- thank you for being so nonexistent that I had to write this.”
This book is about Lara Dela Cruz (what even is that name-) going on a vacation to the Philippines and returning back to school only to find out that all of the members of her girl gang have boyfriends now. Instead of being a normal person and a good friend, she treats them like shit for having boyfriends (????) and then plays the victim. I had an unpleasant experience with those kinds of people, so it was quite fun to read about (ironically I requested the book because I was third wheeling at school after my friend had a new boyfriend)!!!!! I just wanted to hit her with the back of the thickest book I own in my bookshelf. I know that it sounds malicious and weird but I really, really hated her. She was just this selfish, whiny and ungrateful 16 year-old who was not even close to being mature (or even pretending to be mature, for heaven’s sake). I’m not a psychologist but from what I saw in tv shows, homegirl has serious abandonment issues. She is too dependent on her friends and she probably thinks that she puts them first or something.
“I never told you anything other than the reasons that I don’t like you, let alone how to build me the perfect desert.”
Then there was the love interest, James who was just there. That’s all I have to say about him or else I would have to stop writing this review and start meditating to remain calm :)))))))))))))
“Selflessness and sacrifice don’t have to be weaknesses. Sometimes they’re our greatest strengths.”
The sense of humour (sorry the LACK OF sense of humour) in this book got on my nerves. Imagine reading a 300 something paged book about a girl with horrible gen z humor. You’d think they would stop making gen z references and “jokes” for at least a little while and be serious for once, but guess what? They don’t. Nope.
“Words threaded in a pretty sentence can be as easily broken as a bracelet held by a single string.”
Also her being: “nobody asks me out" GIRL WHERE IS YOUR #SELFLOVE??? AND PLEASE STOP DEFINING YOUR SELF WORTH WITH THE LOVE OF OTHERS. Then she’s all, “I hate him”, “He is awful”, “He is my mortal enemy”. Stop it. He is not your enemy and this is not an enemies-to-lovers book. Just stop it. I got too much second hand embarrassment from this book. I wanted to dig a whole and just hide in there until this cringe-fest was over.
“Even if we got stuck in the middle of nowhere, it would still be the perfect date because I’d be with you and being with you puts the brightness of the sun to shame.”
The fact that Lara/the author kept changing the topic, was unbearable. I have an annotation saying “how tf did we even get here?” because the mc kept rambling and ranting about every. little. detail.
“At least if you freeze, you’ll die cute. You’ll thank us later when your ghost looks pretty.”
To be honest, Illa and Lola Nora prevented me from giving the book 1 star, because they were the only wholesome characters who minded their own business. And the mc still managed to be jealous of their relationship while being the one who put distance between them herself. She can’t even be happy for her sister Illa and is, I quote, “bored” when she listens to her problems and her desperate plea for relationship advice because, oh, didn’t you know? The whole freaking world revolves around Lara. This review is getting too personal thanks to my awful former friends, fuck you guys <3
“I realize that it’s up to the third wheels to fix the problem and restore balance to the universe.”
Apparently you can blame someone you like that doesn’t know that you like them for breaking your heart. Well, that’s new. The guy doesn’t even know you exist and you’re like “ugh he is awful for not accidentally bumping into me/looking my way/sitting behind me”. I’m not exaggerating, here is an example of said situation: “I’m mad because he didn’t remember that I don’t skate.” and it's not just an "I'm mad at you, you idiot :D" type of situation, she went full-on crazy just because the poor guy didn't remember that "sHe DoEsN't sKAtE". Plus, I don’t know why but they talk to their teachers disrespectfully and playfully and the teacher’s respond like gen z teens. Is that what intimate teachers sound like or are they literally just written by a toddler?
“His smirk transfers via audio waves now; what an impressive technological revolution”
This book basically had the same old Netflix rom-com movie plot where the cool guy falls for the nerdy girl who was already obsessed with him. It was so predictable that I had a note saying that “blah blah blah would probably happen anytime now” and ten pages later, it happens! I’m not trying to be harsh or anything, just stating the facts and sometimes truth hurts.
“I hate him more than Katniss Everdeen hates President Snow”
Everyone was so problematic like they actually locked two of the couples who had just broken up and forced them to “kiss and make up” just for the sake of “saving their relationship” which was literally none of their business. No one should meddle in someone else's relationship. And Lara? STOP SAYING “SHIZBALLS” AND “FISHBALLS” PLEASE THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
“I’m the third wheel in my own relationship” (can you tell that I couldn't even find nice quotes from the book to add to my review that I'm using random sentences instead to fill the void lol)
On the other hand, for some weird reason, I kind of liked (not enjoyed, that’s a whole other thing.) reading this book when I tried to ignore the irritating main character altogether. I guess I liked the story of her friends more than her own story. To conclude, I did not hate this book because it had potential and because this was obviously the author’s first book and it was brave enough of them to share it with the world. Still, I would not recommend this book to anyone and would like the 7 days that I've just lost back while reading this book please.
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