k
Kadın ve Toplum
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Ahlak ve namus deyince sadece kadından konuşmaya başlayan herkes, ahlaksız ve namussuzdur.
Frida Kahlo
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Tek tanrılı dinlerin doğuş ve gelişme süreçlerini kutsal metinleri, tarihsel toplumsal açısından çözümlemeye giriştiğimizde, bunların içinde doğdukları toplumların ataerkil maddi koşulları ile bağlı olduklarını, karşılığında da bu ataerkil çerçeveleri pekiştirici bir etki yaptıklarını görüyoruz. Söz konusu üç dinsel gelenek arasında ortak ortak özellikler kadar, elbette farklılıklar da vardır ve bu farklılıklar, bazen, İran örneğinde değindiğimiz gibi, kadınlar açısından belirleyici olabilir. Ortak özelliklerin an önemlisi ise, tek tanrılı dinin, kadının ikinciliğini doğal kabul etmesi ve bu "doğal ikinciliği", kadının ve onun bedenini denetlenmesinin meşru gerekçesi saymasıdır. Bu ortak özellik, tarihsel ve coğrafya olarak, her üç tektanrılı geleneğin de aşağı yukarı aynı ya da birbirine yakın topraklarda ve benzer maddi koşullarda doğup gelişmesiyle açıklanabilse bile, ilginç olan, bugünkü ifadelerinde de kadınlara ilişkin tutumu gündemlerinin merkezine almalarıdır. Görüldüğü gibi, tarih içinde en direngen ideolojik süreklilik, kendisini, kadınlara ilişkin ataerkil anlayış ve tutumlarla ortaya koymaktadır.
Sayfa 236 - Metis YayınlarıKitabı okudu
If you have to perform a level of “prettiness” in order to be chosen by someone, they are choosing you based on your objective beauty. I get that you crave to be chosen by someone based on more than how you look. You want to be chosen for your entire self. Darling, as long as you spend your years chasing male validation , you will exhaust yourself all the way to your grave. Because male validation is a bottomless pit. It won’t ever see you how you deserve to be seen. Stop chasing it. Stop trying to attract it. Stop trying to mould yourself into a palatable Floss. It will consume you and spit you back out once it’s done using you. Your main goal in life is not to be “chosen” by a man anyway. It’s all a big lie. You don’t actually need men for anything. Or at the very least, not in the capacity you’ve been made to think you do.
Wait, so you’re saying that sexism and double standards are just a big trick to stop us focusing on our careers, making our own money, having sex and enjoying our lives, instead encouraging us to fight with each other and believe that we need men and that we can’t live without them?
YF: Why would women be shamed for doing the same things as men? That doesn’t seem fair.
OF: You’re right, it isn’t. But it happens. Because when women choose to behave outside of our appointed, prescribed gender roles, it unravels centuries of oppressive structures and some people can’t handle their reality being challenged. In the name of preserving this “tradition” they use the tool of shame to keep us in our place. An example is how women are called “bitches” for being assertive, setting firm boundaries or standing up for themselves. Most of the time, it’s not even men who call women bitches. When we turn against each other, it’s patriarchy’s very sneaky way of continuing our oppression – because it gets other women to do its dirty work, so it doesn’t look guilty of being the reason we are taught to compete with and hate each other in the first place.
... you will be called “selfish” for trying to achieve the same lifestyle as a man, and often you’ll find that you are paid less for doing the same job a man does. This is actually going to happen to you by the way, quite a few times.
Keys between my fingers, heart racing, checking over my shoulder, strategizing my safest route home even if it means spending money on a taxi – this is what navigating public spaces looks like for a lot of women.
I deserve better.
We live in a world that profits from our insecurities, and it’s often the patriarchal system that tells us we must settle for love, a kind of love that often lands us in the most emotionally debilitating and coercive relationships . Deciding that you deserve better is radical as hell, because you are actively going against centuries of social brainwashing and oppression; you are telling the world that you see through its bullshit. That you acknowledge it wants you to exist in one way (marry the first man to “sweep you off your feet” and have his kids…), but instead choosing to go your own way and make up your own damn rules. A new person is born in the moment you say to yourself, for the first time, “I deserve better”.
We live in a patriarchal society which prioritizes our desirability above anything and everything else. Which means that… Life is easier when we dress up. Life is easier when we shave. Life is easier when we wear make-up to work. Life is easier when we have made a visible “effort” with our appearance. Life is easier when we reflect society’s idea of beauty. Full stop.
I had to (and still do, regularly) go through a period of sitting in toxic bullshit, abandoning old versions of myself, shedding skins and experiencing this uncomfortable transition to be the person I am today –feeling confident enough in myself and my voice to write this book, speak my mind and vocalize my experiences. Growth can feel isolating. Everything you thought you knew about yourself and the world shifts right before your eyes. You’ll start to notice unhealthy and toxic qualities in your friends, as well as yourself. You’ll stop enjoying your once- favourite movies when you realize they portray women as nothing more than a feast for male eyes and desires. The lyrics to your favourite Rolling Stones song start to ring a little problematic, and you’ll be disgusted to discover that sexism, racism, ableism and transphobia exist in almost every environment, including the depths of your own subconscious mind. A shift in perspective has the power to flip the world as you know it upside down. But wouldn’t you rather see the world clearly, than walk through life oblivious to all that you are complicit in and enabling? Don’t be a passenger in your own life. Having your world turned upside down and experiencing temporary discomfort is minor in comparison to the suffering you would have endured and inflicted onto others over the course of your life if you left these things unchecked. Temporary discomfort is an investment in your future self. Accept a small and uncomfortable transition now, for a lifetime of growth and self-development. Feminism and self-discovery will uproot your entire life, but it’s going to be worth it. I promise.