I'd discovered in life that if you're too eager others tend to get less eager. And if you're less eager it tends to make others more eager. So the more eager I was the less eager I seemed.
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“Do they have a name? What are they called?” I asked curiously.
The mushrooms that would help me the most were only rumored to even exist. I could use a less potent variety, but I wasn’t entirely sure how well it would work.
He turned to me with a tired and heavy expression.
“Destroying angels.”
The dappled morning sun had begun to grow stronger and brighter. The amber glow shifted ever so slightly, or had the wind in the treetops picked up? Whatever the reason, it had caused the morning sun to shine directly on the back half of the beautiful fox, where another startling discovery awaited.
A million tiny fragments of gold seemed to reflect and sparkle from its fur as if golden shards of glass blanketed the mysterious fox. How could that be? How was the light producing that effect? On fur no less?
In that moment, the enemy had done what no one had ever even tried to do for her.
He had made her feel a little less lonely.
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"But compared to Calvinism, the rationalization of life was necessarily less intense because the pressure of occupation with a state of grace which had continually to be proved, and which was concerned for the future in eternity, was diverted to the present emotional state"
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Page 6
“ I need to know that everything will be OK,” she continued quietly.” That I will be able to live with myself.”
A sharp tug in my chest. How often had I whispered those same words to the ceiling in the rectory, lying awake in bed, consumed with thoughts of what my life could have been? I need to know that everything will be OK.
Didn’t we all wasn’t that unspoken cry of our broken souls?
“ I don’t know if everything will be OK. It may not be. You may think you are at the lowest point now and then look up one day and see that it’s gotten so much worse.” I looked down at my hands, the hands that had pulled my oldest sister from a rope after she hung herself in my parents garage.” You may not ever be able to get out of bed in the morning with the security. That moment of OK may never come.All you can do is try to find a new balance, a new starting point. Find whatever love is left in your life and hold on to it tightly. And one day,things will have gotten less grey, less dull. One day, you might find that you have a life again. A life that makes you happy.”
- Priest
“I can’t settle for less.” He circled me, slowly, shoes crunching on the twigs and leaves, his voice deepening to a growl as he said, “It’s enough to drive me to madness, Rae, wanting you so fucking badly. But I’ve lingered on Earth for too long now.” He laughed humorlessly, and I felt the familiar caress of him getting inside my head, the subtle influence that made my spine tingle like fingers brushing over my skin. “I want to have you, but I can’t unless you agree. That’s the curse of it all. I can’t —” He cut himself off, wrestled with the words, then, “I can’t linger here and watch you die.”
I blinked rapidly, as if he’d slapped me. “I’m...I’m not going to die.”
“Oh, but you will. You will, as all humans do. That light will go out and death will take you from me.” It was so dark, I couldn’t see his face now. Only his eyes, preternaturally bright. “But with your soul, death can’t touch you. The God can’t touch you. Nothing, nothing will take you from me.”
My chest felt tight. The weight of his words was suffocating, and perhaps it was the lack of oxygen that made my face feel so hot.
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He looked at me again, and I forgot how to breathe. “I want you. Irrevocably. But I can’t settle for less than all of you. Body and soul, Raelynn. We demons, when we see something we like, we need to possess it. It’s in our nature.”
He took a step toward me, and I took a step back. He smirked at that, his sharp teeth so white in the dark. “Does it frighten you, to be so desired? To know I want you regardless of time or distance? To know I want you as mine, wholly possessed without question?”
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Morana stuttered, barely able to get the words out, her heart clenching for the boy he'd been, wishing she could've known him back then. She'd been so alone growing up too, surrounded by people but nobody to talk to. Maybe, she could've extended that hand of companionship, surreal as it would've been. Maybe, they could've helped each other feel less lonely.
She would remember it because, in that moment, something inside her shifted. Shifted utterly, because in that moment, the enemy, the man who hated her more than anything, had done what no one had ever done.
In that moment, the man who'd claimed her death had given her a glimpse of life by doing something he probably didn't even realize he'd done.
In that moment, the enemy had done what no one had ever even tried to do for her.
He had made her feel a little less lonely.
Short Term Planning
No one in their right mind would argue that passion and persever- ance are unimportant, or that a bad day is a cue to quit. But the idea that a change of interest, or a recalibration of focus, is an imperfection and competitive disadvantage leads to a simple, one-size-fits-all Tiger story: pick and stick, as soon as possible. Responding to lived experi- ence with a change of direction, like Van Gogh did habitually, like West Point graduates have been doing since the dawn of the knowledge econ- omy, is less tidy but no less important. It involves a particular behavior that improves your chances of finding the best match, but that at first blush sounds like a terrible life strategy: short-term planning
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"A family heirloom," Vivian murmured, her voice thick.
"Yes. One that reminds me very much of you. Beautiful, rare, and difficult as hell to find... but worth every minute it took to get there." My face softened. "I spent thirty-seven years thinking my perfect match didn't exist. You proved me wrong in less than one. And even though we didn't do it right the first time, I'm hoping you'll give me a chance to prove myself a second time."
“Yes, I was forced into the engagement, but everything that happened afterward? Our dates, our talks, our trip to Paris... No one forced me to do those things. They were real. And I was stupid enough to think I could get over them or you when..."
His voice dropped, turning raw. "You've been gone less than a week and I already feel like I've spent an eternity in hell."