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There was nothing I particularly wanted to do. You didn't have to do anything. You could just drift and hang out and see what happened, which suited me fine, even more than being a customs officer or a professional footballer or a guitarist.
Sayfa 63Kitabı okuyor
'' Question for you, Neil. Do I look dead to you?" He pointed up at his face, waited for Neil to answer, and didn't seem surprised when Neil didn't. "Here."
Andrew beckoned Neil closer as if he wanted to show Neil something on his phone's small screen. He flipped the phone open one-handed and pressed down hard on a single button. There was silence, then the distant hum of Andrew's phone dialing out. Between them Neil's phone started to sing. The words were different than Andrew's ringtone, but the voice was the same. Neil knew it was from the same miserable song. The lyrics hurt just as much as Andrew's had. Neil stared down at the phone and let it ring.
"Your phone is ringing," Andrew said. "You should answer it."
Neil picked it up with numb fingers and opened it. He spared only a second to look at Andrew's name on the screen before he answered and put it to his ear.
"Your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay," Andrew said. "This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive.
"I don't care if you use this phone tomorrow. I don't care if you never use it again. But you are going to keep it on you because one day you might need it." Andrew put a finger to the underside of Neil's chin and forced Neil's head up until they were looking at each other. "On that day you're not going to run. You're going to think about what I promised you and you're going to make the call. Tell me you understand."
"I wanted you to understand me. But instead of understanding me, you broke me, upset me, shattered my feelings."
"The world was a frightening place and for once I had someone who saw me at my most basic, as who I truly was, and
still wanted me."
"She was a beautiful woman, with a mostly beautiful heart, and I wanted to hurt her and swallow those screams. God, I was so fucked up."
Love was light, love was beautiful, love was pure. What he felt was dark, obsessive, deviant, and utterly possessive.
He would kill for her, as he always had, and he would die for her, if need be.
He would slay her demons and give her the sword to slay them if she wanted. He would hold her close and protect her from anything wanting to tarnish her being.
“Because you are mine! You’re the only person, the only thing in this entire world that is mine! My killer, my stalker, my lover. The thought of sharing your obsession makes me sick to my stomach. You have power over me. Is that what you wanted to hear? That your claim makes me an idiot because my stupid fucking heart believes you? Is that it?”
Her baby sister had been the first person she’d loved unconditionally, and she always wanted to remember her as that.
And now she was a part of his lifeblood, vital to his functioning.
He never wanted to tell her, but the best thing she could have done for them and their relationship had been to leave. It had shaken him up enough to make him open his eye and realize a life with her was something he wanted, a future with her was something he craved.
She wished emotions were like flowers, pretty and color-coded so she could pick and choose which ones she wanted at what time. For some, maybe they were. Not for her. Her flowers had thorns, and they made her bleed.
Sayfa 234Kitabı okudu
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d wanted to smile before she jumped into his world, a burst of colorful explosions in the stark gray of his sky, a sprout of life blooming in the land of death, a festival in a field that had only witnessed funerals.
Sayfa 128Kitabı okudu
Something was wrong.
Maybe it was just the fact that his house, for the first time since he’d lived in it, felt empty.
Just him and his solitude, just like he’d wanted before. He didn’t want it now.
She wasn't telling him that he'd been her first kiss, that she still remembered the way the metal from the fence he'd pushed her into had dug into her back where she'd had grooves for a week. She wasn't telling him that she'd loved him as a young man and she wanted to love him again as a grown one.
To everyone who ever made a cocoon of their blanket, and never wanted to leave the bed. This is for you. There is a rainbow beyond the gray. Just wait for the clouds to part.
General Public
This 50% block is everyone you walk past on the street and don’t take notice of, space fillers if you would. It’s likely many men reading this are in this block, but don’t worry because this is only temporary if you have the slightest level of ambition. Mr and Mrs average and everyone below sit within this block and tend to stick together.
These are the people who focus on marriage, babies and mortgages like their lives depend on it. They marry young, they obsess over finding the one and their entire value revolves around being wanted by someone/anyone. The women in this block at 1’s to 5’s and they worship celebrities, handsome men and anything unobtainable to them. They’re the type of people you see at a One Direction concert. The men in the general public block are unambitious, happy to take the backseat in life, disregard their physical health and see women as prizes rather than equals. They will worship beautiful women and likely follow them on social media. These are the men funding OnlyFans.
