Elif
@elifmzlm_
Denizden dönmüş iyi kitaplar
93 okur puanı
Ağustos 2023 tarihinde katıldı
Of course, if you...if you don't want to," he says into the silence, sliding his gaze away from me, "I can accept that. I won't bring it up again. I know I'm not....I know what I'm like. That I'm infuriating. And selfish. And cruel. I know I'm not perfect the way my brother is, and I manage to disappoint my parents every time. It's okay if you don't choose me, really—I never expected to be the first choice. I wouldn't blame you‚—"
"I do choose you."
He doesn't seem to hear me at first. He's still talking, rambling really, the words flowing out like rainwater. "I can't always say pretty things, and sometimes I tease you when really I just want you to look my way, and—wait." He stops. Even his breath freezes in his throat. "What...did you just say? Say it again."
"I choose you," I say quietly, glad for the shadows concealing my flushed cheeks. For the support of the wall behind me.
"You will always be my first choice, Julius Gong.
You have to understand...If you knew the effect you had on me, how often I think about you, the things I would do for you...I wouldn't stand a chance against you ever again. You would have taken everything from me," he goes on in a rush, like the words are burning him from within, like he has to get it out before the pain becomes overwhelming. "Not just a debating championship or some points for a test or a fancy award or a spot in a competition—but my whole heart. My pride. God, my sanity. It would all be over. You would annihilate me.
I want you to hold me like a grudge, keep me like a promise, haunt me like a ghost.
For ten years I thought I was preparing to destroy you, when really I was preparing to love you.
You were right, Sadie Wen. I am completely, helplessly obsessed with you.