Tell him, Nico di Angelo, said Cupid, voice sounding a lot like someone Nico knew. Tell him that you are a coward, afraid of yourself and your feelings. Tell him the real reason you left Camp Half-Blood, and why you are always alone.
The word echoed around Nico’s head in that strangely familiar voice: coward, coward, coward. That’s what he was, wasn’t it? That’s all he ever had been. Nico felt so much loathing in that moment he couldn’t tell who it was directed towards: Cupid, or himself.
He tried to say something rational, to make the sort of casual witty remark a hero would in the face of this -but he couldn’t. All he could think was Cupid’s going to tell Jason. And then Jason will tell everyone. They’ll hate me, even more. I’ll never belong. Even Hazel-
And suddenly, without even meaning to, Nico realized he was yelling and the dead were crashing through the ground in all their skeletal glory. Nico couldn’t remember summoning them and was briefly worried -he hadn’t lost control of his powers this badly since Percy had told him Bianca was dead.
Will you hide among the dead, as you always do? Cupid taunted.
The screaming in Nico’s head -coward, coward, coward- got louder, now coupled with the desperate plea of please, not yet, not yet, I’m not ready. And over all of this was an image of Percy Jackson that changed with each beat of his heart.
There was Percy, challenging the Manticore, being the sort of hero Nico had always dreamed of. There was Percy, not quite meeting his eyes, telling him Bianca had died and gasping softly when Nico responded with “you promised you would protect her,” -almost like he cared about what happened to Nico. There was Percy, the only person alive he trusted, telling Nico that no, he didn’t think Nico could be accepted. There was Percy and Annabeth, kissing after the Titan War while the entire camp cheered… but not Nico, because how could he even pretend to when his heart felt like it was being ripped out of his chest? There was Percy, getting his happily ever after, and leaving Nico outside to rot.
Nico realized Cupid was starting to shrug off the skeletons. He yelled and called more from the ground, no longer caring whether he overexerted himself or not.
Interesting, said Cupid. Do you have the strength, after all?
“I left Camp Half-Blood because of love,” said Nico. A flash of sunlight caught Jason’s blond hair, making Nico remember he was there. “Annabeth,” he added hurriedly, “She….”
Still hiding, said Cupid, in that weirdly familiar voice. You do not have the strength.
“Nico,” Jason said, looking like the word was difficult to get out. “It’s okay. I understand.”
Nico stared at Jason, unable to believe what he’d just said. “No,” Nico responded. “There’s no way you could understand.”
And so you run away again, Cupid chided. From your friends. From yourself.
“I don’t have friends!” Nico yelled. “I left Camp Half-Blood because I don’t belong! I’ll never belong!”
Cupid laughed, and it was like someone had told Nico Bianca had died again. Nico would know that laugh anywhere, despite the few times he’d heard it. That’s why the voice had seemed so familiar; it was. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. This laugh was the evil twin of the one Nico knew and loved: cruel and heartless and sadistic.
“Leave him alone, Cupid,” Jason croaked. “This isn’t….”
What it wasn’t, Nico wasn’t sure.
He looked over at Jason Grace. Jason seemed about to keel over any second -the lightning must’ve taken a lot out of him- and yet he stood there, on his feet, to… what? To watch Cupid ridicule Nico? If that was the case, why would Jason stand up for him?
Suddenly, a thought struck Nico. Maybe Jason was still here to… support him.
It’s okay. I understand.
“I- I wasn’t in love with Annabeth,” Nico said, warily, wondering how Jason would react.
Jason nodded. “You were jealous of her. That’s why you didn’t want to be around her. Especially why you didn’t want to be around… him. It makes total sense.”
It makes total sense.
All at once, Nico realized that Jason knew. Jason knew. And yet he was still here, still trying to support Nico. Still trying to care.
“I hated myself,” Nico told the ground, unable to look Jason in the eyes. Nico realized the skeletons were still fighting Cupid and, suddenly finding it all too much effort, let them crumble to dust. “I hated Percy Jackson.”
Nico, still admiring the flooring, heard Jason’s quick intake of air. He glanced up and, for the first time, saw the god of love. Cupid wasn’t the monster Nico’d been expecting.
Cupid wasn’t a horrible beast with fangs and fur. Cupid had messy black hair, an orange T-shirt, and a leather necklace with five clay beads. He had a new Roman tattoo and smelled faintly of the sea, even from where Nico was standing. And suddenly the laugh he’d heard before made sense to Nico.
Cupid was Percy Jackson.
Nico felt his stomach flip with a mix of hatred and longing.
Cupid hadn’t copied Percy entirely. His smile, that smirk Nico loved, had been replaced with a cruel sneer and a look of disgust… just like how Nico had always pictured it when he imagined Percy finding out. The most jarring thing were his eyes: red like blood, with none of Percy’s humor.
“I had a crush on Percy,” Nico spat, biting off every word. “That’s the truth. That’s the big secret.” Nico glared at Cupid, trying to put in his gaze every ounce of anger he had -and he had a lot. “Happy now?”
“Oh, I wouldn’t say Love always makes you happy,” said Cupid, sounding so much like Percy Nico fought the urge to scream. “Sometimes it makes you incredibly sad. But at least you’ve faced it now. That’s the only way to conquer me.”
Cupid dissolved into the wind, leaving Nico with Jason, who looked almost as bad as Nico felt.
Nico realized the Scepter had appeared on the ground. He swiped it up, still locking eyes with Jason.
“If the others found out-”
“If the others found out,” Jason interrupted, “You’d have that many more people to back you up, and to unleash the fury of the gods on anyone who gives you trouble.”
Nico scowled. He appreciated the gesture, but didn’t think things would work out that nicely for him. They never had in the past.
“But it’s your call,” Jason added. “Your decision to share or not. I can only tell you-”
“I don’t feel that way anymore,” Nico blurted. “I mean… I gave up on Percy. I was young and impressionable and I- I don’t-”
Suddenly Nico’s throat felt very itchy. His eyes stung. Nico bit his lip to distract himself from it.
“Nico,” Jason said gently, “I’ve seen a lot of brave things. But what you just did? That was maybe the bravest.”
Nico looked up uncertainly. Normally, he hated feeling like a little kid, but for some reason, he didn’t mind so much when Jason tried to big-brother him. Nico cleared his throat. “We should get back to the ship.”
“Yeah,” Jason agreed. “I can fly us-”
“No. This time, we’re shadow-traveling. I’ve had enough of the winds for awhile.”
Sanırım bunu hiç kimse okumayacak
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