First of all, I don't get angry at anyone for no reason or want to break their heart because, as my grandmother said, breaking a heart is like destroying the most sacred place. Unfortunately or fortunately, I do not know the feeling of hate because I have loved all my life, but I did not hate anyone who made me angry and harmed us. I always felt neutral. I neither loved nor hated. I think this is the worst thing because even hate is a feeling. I tried to explain myself, but constant conflicts arose as I tried to explain myself, and suddenly I found myself and my feelings in a great paradox. I was constantly confused and I wasn't sure about myself and you about love because you were in a hot and cold mood... (Normally, this is useful for connecting people to ourselves, but this is a very different system)
Maybe you will read these, maybe you won't, I don't know, but I just wanted to share my last feelings for you... On August I found you on Instagram when you commented on a page and I clicked on your profile and then I stalked you and I sent you a direct message because your aura was attractive. This happened randomly and carelessly because I thought you wouldn't reply to the message, but when you replied, it caught my attention and I felt like something was going to happen between us. I had to introduce myself to you because of that feeling... The conversation started, but I was in such a deep depression that I was never sure if I could have feelings for you. You know what's ironic? The night before I met you, I said something at the dinner table. I told the people at dinner that I want someone who understands me and can have deep conversations with me, and the very next day I met you, I think God heard my voice because it happened so fast.
When I met you, I said to myself directly, "I think I have found my person now and everything will be great with this girl and we will never leave the framework of respect and it will always be like this, but then I remembered a sentence you said. "When someone offers me a relationship, it feels like all the old ties between us will be broken."I feel it," you told me. I am sorry but I can't suppress my feelings like you do.When I like someone, I can't hide it and I don't give myself away right away and I propose directly. Yes, unlike you, I think fast, I act fast and I say it right away, but at least I don't keep it inside me because if I do this I think I would have met with the feeling of hatred then.
When you met me, I told you that I am a little angry person nowadays and you said to me: I can help you with this if you want and we both forgot that your anger is stronger and heavier than mine... You talk so harshly. I don't want to see this most of the time and I want to get away and that's what I do...
Maybe you are making fun of me on the telegram channel right now and maybe you like it, but I could never do this (even if I accepted that I made big mistakes to you) I was thinking maybe you didn't know how much those conversations between us and sharing them on public every bad word said in a nervous moment would hurt me. But then I saw that no, you know that because you always do the same things, just like I do. I don't blame you for everything because I'm not innocent either, I turned into a monster too, I did you a lot of injustice and broke your heart... They really say that if you can't make love with someone, you have to fight with them.
This saying is so true and meaningful. There have always been wars between you and me, always a rivalry and setting up leaderboards to hurt each other. Both you and I have done many things, such as provoking, influencing, using bad words without thinking, and insulting the personality. But I'm sure of one thing: I was most impressed by all of these, why? Because I had more intense feelings than you, I spoke more sensitively and less harshly for you. Be sure of one thing, I never said bad things to my friends behind your back because it doesn't suit me. They can never say bad words to you because I didn't allow it, and even if they teased me sometimes when I told them I was thinking of you, I never portrayed you as a bad person because I don't badmouth the people who come and go in my life.
Do you know the story of Chris Isac's song Wicked Game? I think I understood once again why I love this song so much, because the message the song wants to give is: "what happens when you have a strong attraction to people that aren't necessarily good for you". I forced myself not to feel anything for you, but you can't control this because the heart is set on right and wrong, but I never see you as a bad person.
Yes, love is respect, understanding, tolerance and this varies from person to person, but I knew what love was very well when I was with you, do you know what it was? The meaning of love for me was "you" because you were already aware of everything and I associated this concept with you, but I know that nothing has any meaning anymore because everything is nothing more than a closed book with dust on it. I offer my sincere apologies for those disgusting words I wrote to you and "that person in your life" because there is no point in struggling any longer for something that is not mine. The two things you said to me went on a loop in my head for three days: "your absence is the Greatest blessing and death is more valuable than my time with you." I will always remind myself of these and let myself know that I should never, ever write to you again.
It was hard for me to have to leave everything behind and the sentence engraved in my life is "being forced to give up". Those who experience it best understand what it feels like, I hope you never experience this because it is a very difficult feeling and a great trauma. When I met you, I told you this: "I may have entered your life for two reasons; one of them is either to make you forget someone or to remind you of someone." You know the answer to that and I leave it up to you. That's all I wanted to say. If you read it one day, I hope you read it with a little thought, not by blaming me, that's all from me for this s
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