tense but secure
Relationship conflict i destructive in part because it stands in the way of rethinking. When a clash gets personal and emotional, we be- come self-righteous preachers of our own views, spiteful prosecutors of the other side, or single-minded politicians who dismiss opinions that don't come from our side. Task conflict can be constructive when it brings diversity of thought, preventing us from getting trapped in overconfi- dence cycles. It can help us stay humble, surface doubts, and make us curious about what we might be missing. That can lead us to think again, moving us closer to the truth without damaging our relationships.
Although productive disagreement is a critical life skill, it's one that many of us never fully develop. The problem starts early: parents disagree behind closed doors, fearing that conflict will make children anxious or somehow damage their character. Yet research shows that how often par- ents argue has no bearing on their children's academic, social, or emo- tional development. What matters is how respectfully parents argue, not how frequently. Kids whose parents clash constructively feel more emo- tionally safe in elementary school, and over the next few years they actually demonstrate more helpfulness and compassion toward their classmates.
Being able to have a good fight doesn't just make us more civil; it also develops our creative muscles. In a classic study, highly creative archi- tects were more likely than their technically competent but less original peers to come from homes with plenty of friction. They often grew up in households that werd "tense but secure
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The subject was war.
The good book says that he that lives by the sword shall perish by the sword, said the black.
The judge smiled, his face shining with grease. What right man would have it any other way? he said.
The good book does indeed count war an evil, said Irving. Yet there’s many a bloody tale of war inside it.
It makes no difference
Men love war because it allows them to look serious. Because they imagine it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them. In it they can reduce women to the status of objects. That is the great distinction between the sexes. Men see objects, women see relationship between objects. Whether the objects love each other, need each other, match each other. It is an extra dimension of feeling we men are without and one that makes war abhorrent to all real women - and absurd. I will tell you what war is. War is a psychosis caused by an inability to see relationships. Our relationship with our fellow-men. Our relationship with our economic and historical situation. And above all, our relationship to nothingness. To death.
Erkekler savaş sever çünkü bu iş ciddi görünmelerine izin verir. Çünkü kadınların onlara gülmesini engelleyen tek şeyin bu olduğunu düşünürler. İçlerinde kadınları nesneleştirebilirler. İki cinsiyet arasındaki en büyük ayrım da budur. Erkekler nesneleri, kadınlar nesneler arasındaki ilişkiyi görürler. Nesnelerin birbirini sevip sevmediği, birbirine ihtiyacı olup olmadığı, birbiriyle eşleşip eşleşmediği. Bu, erkeklerin yoksun olduğu ekstra bir duygu boyutudur ve yine savaşı tüm kadınlara menfur ve saçma kılan bir gerçektir. Gel sana savaşın ne olduğunu söyleyeyim. Savaş, ilişkileri görememenin neden olduğu bir psikozdur. Dostlarımızla olan ilişkimizi. Ekonomik ve tarihsel durumumuzla ilişkimizi. Ve hepsinden önemlisi, hiçlikle olan ilişkimizi. Ölümüne.
I can't do it now, the magic will only work once. In my own house it would be another matter.
"Ah, you don't understand me, Dorian," said Sibyl. "I will always be bad. I will never act well again. Before I knew you, acting was what gave my life meaning. I lived only on the stage, it was my reality. I thought that it was all true. I believed in everything. The stage was my world. I knew nothing but the stage. You came and released my soul from prison. You showed me what reality is. Tonight, for the first time in my life. I noticed that all acting is false and meaningless. You made me understand what love really is. My love! Prince Charming! I am tired of playing on the stage. You are more to me than all art can ever be. Take me with you, Dorian! I hate the stage now. You are my love and passion!"
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Spoiler!
By living our lives, we nurture death. True as this might be, it was only one of the truths we had to learn. What I learned from Naoko's death was this: no truth can cure the sadness we feel from losing a loved one. No truth, no sincerity, no strength, no kindness, can cure that sorrow. All we can do is see that sadness through to the end and learn something from it, but what we learn will be no help in facing the next sadness that comes to us without warning. Hearing the waves at night, listening to the sound of the wind, day after day I focused on these thoughts of mine. Knapsack on my back, sand in my hair, I moved farther and farther west, surviving on a diet of whisky, bread and water.
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