Everything I Know About Love

I carried on because I just wanted to be happy and everyone knows when you're thinner, you're happier. I carried on because, at every turn, society was rewarding me for my self-inflicted torture. I received compliments, I received propositions, I felt more accepted by people I didn't know, nearly all clothes looked great on me. I felt like I had finally earnt the right to be taken seriously as a woman; that everything before that had been redundant. That I had been foolish to think I had ever been worthy of affection. I had equated love with thinnes and, to my horror, reinforcement of this belief was everywhere. My health was plummeting, my stocks were up.

Pelin

The love I felt was aggressive and fraught - I loved him with panic and passion. I didn't fall in love; love fell on me. Like a ton of bricks from a great height.

Reklam

Pelin

Any woman who spent her formative years surrounded only by other girls will tell you the same thing: you never really shake off the idea that boys are the most fascinating, beguiling, repulsive, bizarre creatures to roam the earth; as dangerous and mythological as a Sasquatch.

Pelin

You can restore your physical being to health; you can develop a rational, balanced, caring attitude to weight as well as good daily habits. But you can't forget how many calories are in a boiled egg or how many steps burn how many calories. You can't forget what exact weight you were every week of every month that made up that sometimes, on very difficult days, it feels like you'll never be as euphoric as that ten-year-old licking lurid jam off her fingertips, not ever again.

beng

@benguagcakaya·

9mo

‘What if she says no?’ AJ asked. ‘Do we just go home?’ ‘She’s not going to say no,’ I said. ‘But if she does I’ve already looked up what else is on and there’s a disco night at KOKO, so we just go there for a dance — it’s ten quid on the door.’

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beng

@benguagcakaya·

9mo

I saw Leo for the first time in five years at a party and met his new wife — I gave them both a hug, then I left them alone. Harry got engaged — I felt no anger at all. Adam moved in with a girl — I sent him a text to congratulate him. Their stories had nothing to do with me any more, I didn’t need their attention. I felt like I was finally jogging along my own path, gathering my own pace and momentum.

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