I Would Leave Me If I Could: A Collection of Poetry
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I feel like I'm made of plastic
I breathe and it doesn't reach my lungs
I eat and I don't taste
Can you hear the silence of being alone?
The deafening stillness
of everything you've ever known?
I spent a lifetime
trying to wake up
and be mean.
But I will
never
believe
That I belong to the side
with the guillotine.
I'm stuck in the middle of an avalanche and I'm not moving.
I'm trying
to feel safe
inside.
My body
doesn't feel
like mine.
I look at who I am.
I think I fear her.
There's a love/hate
relationship
with noise
in my brain.
Girls
who weren't sad and tired.
Girls
better than me.
Who had learned to turn their trauma
into adventures
for him to stumble blindly through.
Instead of wallowing
in their brokenness
and breaking everything
in their path
as penance.
I am a worthless smudge
On the floor, in the rug
In the kingdom of the almighty
been watering all these plants
made of plastic
and you think they'll grow.