And that's when she put her book down. And looked at me. And said it: "Life isn't fair, Bill. we tell our children that it is, but it's a terrible thing to do. It's not only a lie, it's a cruel lie. Life is not fair, and it never has been, and it's never going to be."
Because I’m still here…alone…writing this sorry excuse of a story, pretending I can conjure him from nothing, desperately loving a memory, and killing myself with the knowledge that no matter how much I write about him. No matter what tales I tell you or secrets I spill, he’s not going to be there to tell me off. He’s not going to scold me for telling the truth. He’s not going to notice or care. I no longer need to pretend I don’t love him. I don’t need to lie that I don’t want him.
Sayfa 354Kitabı okudu
He reaches out and takes my hand. I try to pull it away, but he grips it tight. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Charlie. Not one thing. Can’t you see that?” But that’s a lie, isn’t it? Because there are so many things wrong with me, obviously and actually. What I want Mikey to say is: There are so many things wrong with you and it doesn’t matter. I have one hand on the stone in my pocket and the other one trapped in Mikey’s grasp. What I want to tell him is: You left once, and look what happened, and now you’re leaving again, and I’m scared, because I don’t know how to be with people, but I don’t know how to be alone, either, and I thought I wasn’t going to be alone again here. And how is it even possible to be more hurt than I’ve been in the past year? But all I say is “I’ll miss you, Mikey. I’ll be okay. I promise"
Sayfa 208Kitabı okudu
Chapter Thirty
"I know you think I’m a bad person . . . but you make me—” He draws up short. “Never mind.”
Why does he always stop?
“Finish that sentence, Hardin, or I am leaving right now,” I tell him. And mean it.
The way his eyes seem to burn when he looks at me, the way his lips part slowly, as if every word will hold something, a lie or a truth, it makes me wait for his response. “You . . . you make me want to be good, for you . . . I want to be good for you, Tess.”
Gallery Books - kindle
Chapter Three
"My mother used to tease me growing up, claiming that a man grows an inch for every lie he tells. My father was a tall man, so I won’t argue with her logic there."
Gallery Books - kindle
“You’re crazy.”
“Welcome to the madhouse. Feel free to stay as long as you’d like, but as long as you’re here, there are rules to be followed.”
“Like?”
“Like betray me and I kill you. Lie to me and I kill you. Ignore an order and I kill you. Otherwise, do whatever the hell you want. You think you can handle that?”
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