Altan burning on the pier, a miserable end to the miserable life they’d given him.
"i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind"
I was miserable here. I was miserable at Memorial, and I would probably be miserable wherever else I went too. Maybe this was my life now, just existing and hating every minute of it.
“A little more than kin, and less than kind,” Alexander said. “My God, our families are miserable.”
Scene 4Kitabı okuyor
'' Question for you, Neil. Do I look dead to you?" He pointed up at his face, waited for Neil to answer, and didn't seem surprised when Neil didn't. "Here."
Andrew beckoned Neil closer as if he wanted to show Neil something on his phone's small screen. He flipped the phone open one-handed and pressed down hard on a single button. There was silence, then the distant hum of Andrew's phone dialing out. Between them Neil's phone started to sing. The words were different than Andrew's ringtone, but the voice was the same. Neil knew it was from the same miserable song. The lyrics hurt just as much as Andrew's had. Neil stared down at the phone and let it ring.
"Your phone is ringing," Andrew said. "You should answer it."
Neil picked it up with numb fingers and opened it. He spared only a second to look at Andrew's name on the screen before he answered and put it to his ear.
"Your parents are dead, you are not fine, and nothing is going to be okay," Andrew said. "This is not news to you. But from now until May you are still Neil Josten and I am still the man who said he would keep you alive.
"I don't care if you use this phone tomorrow. I don't care if you never use it again. But you are going to keep it on you because one day you might need it." Andrew put a finger to the underside of Neil's chin and forced Neil's head up until they were looking at each other. "On that day you're not going to run. You're going to think about what I promised you and you're going to make the call. Tell me you understand."
If someone has only themself their whole life, on-guard against everyone aside from themself at all times and all places, never being close to anyone, never feeling anything for anyone, only loving themself… wouldn’t that be miserable? Being a bad guy… is too painful.
"Looking deep within myself is always difficult. Especially when I'm in the throes of negative emotion. How shall I describe it? It's like I know everything is fine, but I can't stop myself from endlessly checking to make sure it really is fine, and in the process I make myself miserable."
“The reason we’re all so miserable may be because we’re working so hard to avoid being miserable.”
Rosmer: I can dispose of my miserable existence as I please, you know.
Rebecca: What do you mean? You surely are never thinking of-!
Rosmer: Do you think it would be so surprising? After the pitiful, lamentable defeat I have suffered? I, who was to have made iy my life's work to lead my cause to victory-! And here I am, a deserted before the fight has even really begun!
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I could not believe that she couldn’t see how miserable I was and so reach out a hand to comfort me and caress my cheek
We require rules, standards, values—alone and together. We’re pack animals, beasts of burden. We must bear a load, to justify our miserable existence. We require routine and tradition. That’s order. Order can become excessive, and that’s not good, but chaos can swamp us, so we drown—and that is also not good. We need to stay on the straight and narrow path.
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