“Studied grace is not grace,” I once tried to explain.
“Charm is not a hairstyle. You either have it or you don’t. The more
you try to be fashionable, the tackier you’ll look.” Nothing hurt Reva
more than effortless beauty, like mine.
I look at Desi with outright disgust now. Sometimes I feel my skin must be hot with repulsion and with the effort to keep that repulsion hidden. I'd forgotten about him. The manipulation, the purring persuasion, the delicate bullying. A man who finds guilt erotic.
I said: “My gosh, Nick, why are you so wonderful to me?"
He was supposed to say: You deserve it. I love you.
But he said, "Because I feel sorry for you."
"Why?"
"Because
every morning you have to wake up and be you."