"I have moved out of the house of the scholars, and I slammed the door on my way out. Too long my soul sat hungry at their table; unlike them, I am not trained to approach knowledge as if cracking nuts.
I love freedom and the air over fresh earth; and I would rather sleep on ox hides than on their honors and reputations. I am too hot and burned up by my own thoughts; often it steals my breath away. Then I have to go out into the open and away from all dusty chambers.
But they sit cool in their cool shade; in all things they want to be mere spectators and they take care not to sit where the sun burns on the steps. Just like those who stand in the street and gape at the people who pass by; thus too they wait and gape at thoughts that others have thought.
When they pose as wise, I am chilled by their little proverbs and truths; often there is an odor to their wisdom, as if it came from the swamp, and truly, I have already heard the frog croaking out of it!"
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The only think Aiden will fear of.
I take a deep breath. Okay, here goes.
“Aiden?”
“Hmm, sweetheart?”
“I’m pregnant. Six weeks, to be exact.”
He freezes, the bottle of pills half-suspended in his hands.
Aiden wanted a kid three years ago, but he completely backed off when Dr Albert said it could be a danger to my life at that stage.
However, three months ago, Dr Albert told me it’s safe to have a child. Since then, I’ve been without birth control. I wanted to give him a surprise on our second anniversary two months ago. However, I didn’t fall pregnant.
I nearly cried every time my period came on time for the past three months.
Yesterday, my period was two weeks late. I took a test and boom, pregnant. I was so happy, I wanted to tell Aiden right away, but I kept it to myself until I had tests done with both Dr Albert and an OBGYN.
Aiden spins around. My mouth falls open. I never expected to see that expression on Aiden’s face.
Fear.
Complete terror.
He grabs my arm. “Let’s go to Dr Albert. He’ll tell us how to deal with this—”
“No.” I wiggle away from him. “I’m having this child.”
“And I’m not having a child that will risk your life.” Aiden’s voice is authoritative and final. “I’d rather be childless than without you.”
My eyes fill with tears at his statement because I know it’s true. Aiden would be happy with just me by his side. I feel it in my soul.
But I want to give him more. I want to give him everything. I want to be the mother of his children.
And if I may just take yout breath away
I don’t mind if there’s not much to say
Sometimes the silence guides our minds
So move to a place so far away
The goosebumps start to raise
The minute that my left hand meets your waist
And then I watch your face
You daughter of Zalım you!
It is only man's egoism which wants to keep woman like some buried treasure. All endeavors to introduce permanence in love, the most changeable thing in this changeable human existence, have gone shipwreck in spite of religious ceremonies, vows, and legalities. Can you deny that our Christian world has given itself over to corruption?" "But—" "But you are about to say, the individual who rebels against the arrangements of society is ostracized, branded, stoned. So be it. I am willing to take the risk; my principles are very pagan. I will live my own life as it pleases me. I am willing to do without your hypocritical respect; I prefer to be happy. The inventors of the Christian marriage have done well, simultaneously to invent immortality. I, however, have no wish to live eternally. When with my last breath everything as far as Wanda von Dunajew is concerned comes to an end here below, what does it profit me whether my pure spirit joins the choirs of angels, or whether my dust goes into the formation of new beings? Shall I belong to one man whom I don't love, merely because I have once loved him? No, I do not renounce; I love everyone who pleases me, and give happiness to everyone who loves me. Is that ugly?
No, it is more beautiful by far, than if cruelly I enjoy the tortures, which my beauty excites, and virtuously reject the poor fellow who is pining away for me. I am young, rich, and beautiful, and I live serenely for the sake of pleasure and enjoyment."
Two diabolical green rays out of her eyes fall upon me, and now she laughs.
Her laughter is very mysterious, very—I don't know. It cannot be described, it takes my breath away. I flee further, and after every few steps I have to pause to take breath. The mocking laughter pursues me through the dark leafy paths, across light open spaces, through the thicket where only single moonbeams can pierce. I can no longer find my way, I wander about utterly confused, with cold drops of perspiration on the forehead.
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died every day waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands