"She wasn’t a black hole, she decided. She was a volcano. And like a volcano she couldn’t run away from herself. She’d have to stay there and tend to that wasteland.
She could plant a forest inside herself."
I felt overwhelming physical sensations that welled up inside my body like a volcano with no vent, no outlet for release. I couldn’t attach any words to my feelings and, put simply, I didn’t know what to do with them. I couldn’t speak about them as I had no words for them. This is called ‘alexithymia’. Breaking my skin and channelling the feelings into physical pain somehow diverted my attention into something solid and tangible and made them dissipate. There was a sense of relief and calm.
Önceki Gün ya da Bir Yıl Öncesi Danny Livingstone, sol kulağının içindeki kulak çubuğunu elinde çevirdiği sırada kendi kendisine, burası cennet, dedi. Yanına kar kalan birkaç günlük keyfinden biri de buydu, çünkü yüzlerini bile hatırlayamadığı kadar çok kadınla yatıp kalktıktan (ki kendileriyle bir daha karşılaşmayı filan arzulamıyordu), o güya
“You don’t look ruined. Want to know what I see when I look at you?”
“No. Shut up.”
“I see a man who’s so intelligent I can imagine it’s exhausting living inside your brain. You’re wealthy, respected by both peers and government and media. You have it all.”
A vein throbbed dangerously in his neck as he shook his head, laughing under his breath. It sounded manic—like the tip of a volcano that was about to explode from the depths and rain molten lava. “Have it all?” I have it all?” He hunched over the wheel. “You have it wrong, Sarah. I have nothing. Fucking nothing because they took it all.”
“I know you’re hurting. And I won’t try and understand what you’re dealing with, but you can’t live your life blocked from feeling. You’ll snap.”