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Unvan:
Yazar
Doğum:
New York, ABD, 30 Haziran 1950
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1 okur okudu.
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• Smile: Even babies react better to smilers. That's certainly true for adults. Be sure it looks authentic, not the salesman's smile. How can you tell? The smile lines aside your eyes crease.
• Good posture. When your shoulders are back and level with each other (not hunched or tilted,) your back is straight, and you stride purposefully, you'll get a better reaction. Cosmopolitan founder Helen Gurley Brown said, only half-joking, "After 40, it all comes down to posture."
• The Obama Head Tilt. President Obama positions his chin just slightly upward, especially when making an important or controversial point. That makes him seem more confident and, well, presidential. Try it in a mirror. You'll see what a difference it makes. But don't tilt your chin up too much or you'll look stuck-up.
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• If you're seated in conversation, lean slightly forward--it conveys enthusiasm. Keep your legs and arms uncrossed--that makes you appear open.
• Establish and maintain eye contact roughly 2/3 of the time--more and you risk looking psychotic. A technique for establishing eye contact is, before starting to talk with someone, note their eye color.
• Watch others' nonverbals for signs of anxiety or deception. For example, rubbing head, neck or thigh can be self-soothing behaving in response to feeling stressed. Those could be normal behaviors for that person but when s/he, in mid-conversation, suddenly exhibits one of those behaviors, take note.
• The feet are often revealing, because people don't expect you to be noticing them. So, for example, if your conversation partner moves a foot toward the exit, s/he may be trying to get away from you.
There is an important silver lining to self-hatred: It can motivate you to work harder. And indeed, as Michael Lopp, author of Being Geek told me, Not-obvious nugget: Nearly every successful person in Silicon Valley suffers from self-doubt, low self-esteem, if not downright self-loathing. This makes sense to me. No less than George Washington and Abraham Lincoln suffered from grave selfdoubt. Asian-Americans are the U.S.'s highest achievers yet have the lowest average self-esteem.
Not withstanding what some educators and advocates claim, high self-esteem often leads to complacency and inhibited growth. In contrast, self-doubt can drive you to work harder to increase the amount of good you do. Actor Judd Apatow said, "I am always driven by the terror of humiliation. My shrink calls it unhealthy but she can't argue with its effectiveness."
A significant minority of people I know feel that marriage and/or children have been a net negative. Even those people derive pleasure from their relationships but, overall, they've suffered more from the fights, problems, and simply from having given up their freedom and autonomy. And although hard to admit, many of those people also feel that having a child's enormous dollar costs, human costs, and toll on career and recreational freedom were not worth it.
Integrity is key. (...) Yes, cheaters often win—in the material sense. Many, maybe even most deceptive salespeople, plagiarizing students, and cook-the-books accountants, get away with it, but they still lose. They lose in the bigger game of making their life meaningful. If you—especially when it's to your selfish detriment—do the ethical thing, you will more likely be loved and respected on this earth, and if there's a hereafter, honored in that one. And you will go through life with your head high, knowing you are making the world a better, not a worse, place.
In a two-way conversation, talk 30-50% of the time, and follow The Traffic Light Rule: During the first 30 seconds of an utterance, your light is green, the person is listening. During the second 30 seconds, it's yellow--it's increasingly likely the person is waiting for you to shut up. After 60 seconds, your light is red--the listener probably thinks you're long-winded.
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