I am lonely, God, shaken by the storms of fate.
Unloved and abandoned
I struggle in this hostile night.
My heart grows heavy, and grows bitter
each time I think of you.
You are a blind God, full of cruelties,
full of actions we do not understand.
Why do you, you who have the power,
why do you let the monsters and the scoundrels
be happy, while the noble souls
have to endure their ghastly misery?
Why do you torture me who loved you,
chase me into the night alone?
Why do you rob me of everything
while you give freely to every vicious fool?
Rarely I complained to you,
and almost never cursed you.
For years I served you as a faithful priest
and praised you as my Lord and God.
You were the goal and purpose of my life.
I strove for the good and aspired to love.
I pursued compassion and purity as my highest goals
even if I was flailing in the dark.
And yet you never fulfilled a dream of mine,
you never answered any of my prayers.
Instead you graced my enemies with favor after favor.
For me it was always work and struggle
while next door the happy rabble
played guitar and sang and danced.
Oh God, you are my torturer