pelin
@absint
8/10
14 günde okudu
·Okunma: 10 Şubat 2026 12:57
·2026 4. kitabı
Hangi tür kitapları seviyorsun?
🔎 Polisiye
💕 Romantik
🚀 Bilim Kurgu
🏰 Fantastik
📖 Klasik
🧠 Kişisel Gelişim
🏛️ Tarih
😱 Gerilim
I had no reason to care about rape then -I was a lucky kid, safe and securely loved- but that story hit me hard. Somehow I sensed what was coming for me even then. Really, though, what girl doesn't? It looms over you, that threat of violence. They drill the danger into your head until it starts to feel inevitable. You grow up wondering when it's finally going to happen.
She meant to be reassuring, but her logic was easy to follow: boys never paid attention to me, therefore I wasn't pretty, and if I wasn't pretty, I'd have to wait a long time before anyone noticed me, because boys had to mature before they cared about anything else. In the meantime, apparently my only option was to wait.
"I can't help what I did before I met you," he says, "and neither can you."
For me, there's nothing before him, nothing at all, but I know that's not the point. This is about him needing something from me. Not quite forgiveness, more like absolution, or maybe apathy. He needs me not to care about the things he's done.
"Ok," I say. "I won't be jealous anymore." It feels so generous, like I'm making a sacrifice for him. I've never felt so adult.
I feel a muted confusion, like I'm watching a movie with a disorienting plot. Truly, everything feels like a simulation, unreal. I have no choice but to pretend I'm the same as ever, but a canyon surrounds me now, sets me apart. I'm not sure if sex created the canyon or if it's been there all along and Strane finally made me see it.