"Çözüm: her eleştiriye beş iltifat"
Kadın beyni kendisini hayal kırıklığından korumak için kötü senaryolar kurmaya eğilimlidir ve ardından da üzerinde fazla düşünmeden suçu erkek beynine atar. Sürekli eleştirinin beyne zararları vardır. Bir erkek partneri tarafından eleştirildiğinde beyni savunmaya geçer.
RCZ'si erkeğe kendisinin eleştirildiği gibi olmadığını söyler ve erkek her türlü temastan kaçınmaya başlar. Bu durum aşağıya doğru bir spiral gibi uzar ve sonunun bir çıkmaz sokak olduğu kesindir. Çiftin, iki tarafın da arzuladığı sevgi ve ilgiden mahrum kalmasına sebep olur.
The female brain tends to create bad scenarios to protect herself from disappointment, and then blames it on the male brain without giving it much thought. Constant criticism has harm to the brain. When a man is criticized by her partner, his brain becomes defensive.
His RCZ tells the man that he is not what he is criticized for, and the man begins to avoid all contact. This situation extends like a downward spiral and is certain to end in a dead end. It causes the couple to be deprived of the love and attention that both parties desire.
Sayfa 154 - Say YayınlarıKitabı okudu
"What can I do?" he asks with a wretched expression. "What can I do to stop you from doing that again? I don't understand emotions, but you do, Bran. You do spectacularly well, and I'm asking, no, I'm begging you to tell me what I can do to make it better. Should I fuck off out of your life? Cut contact? Not visit Mum and Dad while you're there? Will my disappearance stop you from having that nonsensical inferiority complex?"
"That's about the worst thing you can do, Lan. I need you by my side. I always have.”
None of that is responsible for my frequent feeling of nausea over the squalor of daily life. It’s the people who habitually surround me, the souls, who know me through conversation and the contact without knowing me at all
Little or no eye contact is not indicative of deception (Vrij, 2003, 38-39). This is rubbish for reasons discussed in the previous chapter. Keep in mind that predators and habitual liars actually engage in greater eye contact than most individuals, and will lock eyes with you. Research clearly shows that Machiavellian people (for example, psychopaths, conmen, and habitual liars) will actually increase eye contact during deception (Ekman, 1991, 141-142). Perhaps this increase in eye contact is consciously employed by such individuals because it is so commonly (but erroneously) believed that looking someone straight in the eye is a sign of truthfulness.
When people place their arms behind their backs, first they are saying, “I am of higher status.” Second, they are transmitting, “Please don’t come near me; I am not to be touched.” This behavior is often misunderstood as merely a pensive or thinking pose, but unless seen in someone studying a painting at a museum, for example, it is not. Putting the arms behind the back is a clear signal that means, “Don’t get close; I don’t want to make contact with you” (…).
Foot and leg behavior is especially important to observe when you first meet people. It reveals a lot about how they feel about you. Personally, when I first meet someone, I typically lean in, give the person a hearty handshake (depending on the appropriate cultural norms in the situation), make good eye contact, and then take a step back and see what happens next. One of three responses is likely to take place: (a) the person will remain in place, which lets me know he or she is comfortable at that distance; (b) the individual will take a step back or turn slightly away, which lets me know he or she needs more space or wants to be elsewhere; or (c) the person will actually take a step closer to me, which means he or she feels comfortable and/or favorable toward me. I take no offense to the individual’s behavior because I am simply using this opportunity to see how he or she really feels about me.
Her gaze strays sideways, and I hate it when she breaks eye contact. I have to see her all the time, and she’s never shied away from me, so when she breaks our connection, I feel a weird sense of loss.
Sayfa 348Kitabı okudu
“Cavendish is a book in himself. Born into a life of sumptuous privilege- his grandfathers were dukes, respectively, of Devonshire and Kent- he was the most gifted English scientist of his age, but also the strangest. He suffered, in the words of one of his few biographers, from shyness to a "degree bordering on disease." Any human contact was for him a source of the deepest discomfort.
Once he opened his door to find an Austrian admirer, freshly arrived from Vienna, on the front step. Excitedly the Austrian began to babble out praise. For a few moments Cavendish received the compliments as if they were blows from a blunt object and then, unable to take any more, fled down the path and out the gate, leaving the front door wide open. It was some hours before he could be coaxed back to the property. Even his housekeeper communicated with him by letter.
Although he did sometimes venture into society- he was particularly devoted to the weekly scientific soirees of the great naturalist Sir Joseph Banks- it was always made clear to the other guests that Cavendish was on no account to be approached or even looked at. Those who sought his views were advised to wander into his vicinity as if by accident and to "talk as it were into vacancy." If their remarks were scientifically worthy they might receive a mumbled reply, but more often than not they would hear a peeved squeak (his voice appears to have been high pitched) and turn to find an actual vacancy and the sight of Cavendish fleeing for a more peaceful corner.”
"We know - in our hearts - that we will ultimately live and most importantly
die alone: moments of comfort are rare but can be found, found in the fleshly encounter of one with another, most especially when we find ways to make contact beyond/outside language."
