Giovanni's Room
James BaldwinGiovanni's Room Gönderileri
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Somebody, your father or mine, should have told us that not many people have ever died of love. But multitudes have perished, and are perishing every hour – and in the oddest places! – for the lack of it.
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İnsanlar ne yazık ki demirleme noktalarını, sevgililerini ve arkadaşlarını icat edemiyorlar, anne babalarını da icat edemiyorlar. Hayat bunları verir ve alır da ve en büyük zorluk hayata evet demektir.
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And these nights were being acted out under a foreign sky, with no one to watch, no penalties attached—it was this last fact which was our undoing, for nothing is more unbearable, once one has it, than freedom.
“Tell me,” he said, “what is this thing about time? Why is it better to be late than early? People are always saying, we must wait, we must wait. What are they waiting for?”
“Well,” I said, feeling myself being led by Giovanni into deep and dangerous water, “I guess people wait in order to make sure of what they feel.”
“In order to make sure!” He turned again to that invisible ally and laughed again. I was beginning, perhaps, to find his phantom a little unnerving but the sound of his laughter in that airless tunnel was the most incredible sound. “It’s clear that you are a true philosopher.” He pointed a finger at my heart. “And when you have waited—has it made you sure?”
“Nobody can stay in the garden of Eden,” Jacques said. And then: “I wonder why.”
Then Jacques said something that surprised me. People are full of surprises, even for themselves, if they have been stirred enough.
I understand now that the contempt I felt for him involved my self-contempt.
People who believe that they are strong-willed and the masters of their destiny can only continue to believe this by becoming specialists in self-deception.
But people can’t, unhappily, invent their mooring posts, their lovers and their friends, anymore than they can invent their parents. Life gives these and also takes them away and the great difficulty is to say Yes to life.
Why, you will go home and then you will find that home is not home anymore. Then you will really be in trouble. As long as you stay here, you can always think: One day I will go home.