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“I wanted to take up less space, or just be less: muted, quiet.”
“It’s all so easy for you, isn’t it? God. I’m so pathetic. For a second I thought it could be easy for me, too. Like I’d take off my hat and poof. Some dramatic makeover, I thought! I’m still the same. I’m still me. Same problems. Same everything. I won’t ever get what I want. And you always will.”
“Romeo and Juliet once had a conversation that became a sonnet. Alone, they were good; together, they were art.”
“This feeling is like: nostalgia for something that didn’t happen. No—nostalgia for something that could’ve happened, if Fun were a different person with a different life.”
“Rather than go straight into the hospital, I looped around the block. I passed a deli, a nail salon, a bagel shop. That dumb song from the radio was stuck in my head. I couldn’t go in the hospital with a song that I hated stuck in my head. I needed a different song, comforting, before I went inside the hospital. A better song for me, and for Sam. That song would be my own version of a prayer.
I took another loop and willed the words to come. A deli, a nail salon, a bagel shop. My mind went blank. Nothing came. I knew hundreds of songs, but my mind was wiped clean. I was so afraid, dumb and stoned, alone and scared.”
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