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The pressure to be “good” is not exclusive to one gender, nor is it applied equally to all genders. To be clear, the stress on girls to be “good” far surpasses any stress men might feel to be “good.” This disparity is perhaps best exemplified by the fact that when a girl does something “wrong,” few mourn her goodness. We rarely hear “I thought she was one of the good girls.” Women who behave “badly” are ultimately not given the same benefit of the doubt as men and are immediately cast off as bitches or sluts. Men might be written as “dogs,” but their reckless behavior is more often unnoticed, forgiven, or even celebrated — hence our cultural fixation with bad boys.
I’m afraid of men not because of any singular encounter with a man. I’m afraid of men because of the cumulative damage caused by the everyday experiences I’ve recounted here, and by those untold, and by those I continue to face.
None of these stories are exceptional. I’m afraid of how common, if not mild, my experiences are. Many people have endured more savage forms of violence inflicted by men. I’m also afraid that the most prevalent response these stories will elicit is pity. Even worse, I’m afraid of the necessity of eliciting in order to generate concern or to galvanize change.