Kimse
@Kimse000
12 okur puanı
Haziran 2020 tarihinde katıldı
Reklam
Yatağımın karşısında bir pencere var. Odanın duvarları bomboş. Nasıl yaşadım on yıl bu evde? Bir gün duvara bir resim asmak gelmedi mi içimden? Ben ne yaptım? Kimse de uyarmadı beni. İşte sonunda anlamsız biri oldum. İşte sonum geldi. Kötü bir resim asarım korkusuyla hiç resim asmadım; kötü yaşarım korkusuyla hiç yaşamadım
I don't know why, when I glanced out the window, it seemed to me that the house opposite had also become decrepit and dingy, that the plasterwork on the columns was peeling and crumbling, that the cornices had turned black and were cracked, and that the walls which had been painted a bright, deep yellow had become patchy...
Either a ray of sunshine, after suddenly peeping out from behind a cloud, had again hidden behind a rain cloud, and everything had darkened again before my eyes; or perhaps the whole vista of my future had flashed before me so bleakly and so sadly, and I saw myself just as I am now exactly fifteen years later, only older, in the same room, just as lonely, with the same Matryona, who hasn't grown any wiser in all those years.
But that I should nurse a grudge, Nastenka! That I should cast a dark cloud over your bright, serene happi-ness; that I, with bitter reproaches, should cast pangs of anguish on your heart, wound it with secret remorse and force it to beat with anguish at the moment of bliss; that I would crush even one of those delicate flowers that you plaited into your black curls when you walked together with him to the altar... Oh, never, never! May your sky be clear, may your sweet smile be bright and serene, may you be blessed for that moment of bliss and happiness that you gave to another lonely, grateful heart!
My God! A whole minute of bliss! Is that really so little for the whole of a man's life?
My God, what a cry! How she shuddered! How she tore herself from my arms and flew to meet him! ... I stood and watched them, crushed. But she had scarcely given him her hand, had scarcely thrown herself into his embrace, when she suddenly turned to me again, and was at my side in a flash, like the wind, and before I had a chance to collect myself, she flung both arms around my neck and kissed me firmly, ardently. Then, without saying a word to me, she rushed to him again, took him by the hand and led him away.
I stood for a long time and watched them walk away... Finally, both of them vanished from sight.