i want to say:
please don’t touch me if you don’t mean it
i’m scared the promises i’m hearing are just a poor translation
of what your hands are actually saying
but i’m too selfish or maybe too afraid
so i don’t
i want to say:
i love you
so i don’t
not because of the way you look at me
but because you might stop
because if i keep my love in my chest
and not in my mouth
then maybe it won’t hurt so badly
when it is taken away
Sayfa 294
“Kötü bir anıyı unutmanın en iyi yolu güzel bir tanesiyle değişmektir.”
the problem is he thinks he and eli could be good for each other. really good. under different circumstances. in a different life.
or maybe, if he was just a little braver, in this one.
Sayfa 204
alex presses his mouth to eli’s temple, not really a kiss, just breathing in the clean smell of his hair; the new rosewater toner he’s started using in the evenings; the subtle bite of mint from his toothpaste, nearly gone after a night of sleep.
he presses his lips with more intention to eli’s cheek, the hinge of his jaw, the soft pocket of skin just below his ear.
and then eli is rolling to hook one elbow around alex’s neck and shove their mouths inelegantly together. alex kisses him back, hard and rough and controlled in a way that doesn’t feel very controlled at all. like maybe alex is losing his mind a little. he remembers, suddenly, a line he read in a book somewhere: love is the fire of life; it either consumes or purifies.
eli kisses him again, just as desperate as alex feels, and alex—
alex is consumed.
Sayfa 297
