The Sun Is Also a Star
Nicola YoonEn Eski The Sun Is Also a Star Sözleri ve Alıntıları
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She looks as desperate as Irene feels. Irene almost smiles at her. In her head she does smile at her.
Welcome back. Nice to see you, Irene says, but only in her head.
In reality, she’s already looking down,
Sayfa 15Kitabı okudu
Names are powerful things. They act as an identity marker and a kind of map, locating you in time and geography. More than that, they can be a compass.
Sayfa 20Kitabı okudu
Psychiatrists tell you not to bottle up your feelings because they’ll eventually explode. They’re not wrong. I’ve been angry for months. It feels like I’ve been angry since the beginning of time.
Sayfa 24Kitabı okudu
She hates not knowing what happens next. Uncertainty is her enemy.
Sayfa 31Kitabı okudu
In Kurt Cobain’s voice she hears the same thing Natasha hears—a perfect and beautiful misery, a voice stretched so thin with loneliness and wanting that it should break. Irene thinks it would be better if it did break, better than living with wanting and not having, better than living itself.
She follows Kurt Cobain’s voice down down down to a place where it is black all the time. After looking him up online, she finds that Cobain’s story does not have a happy ending.
Irene makes a plan. Today will be the last day of her life.
The truth is, she’s been thinking about killing herself on and off for years. In Cobain’s lyrics she finally finds the words. She writes a suicide note addressed to no one: “Oh well. Whatever. Nevermind.”
Sayfa 36Kitabı okudu
What reason could there be for this awful thing happening? My dad, whose fault this whole thing is, says, “You can’t always see God’s plan.” I want to tell him that maybe he shouldn’t leave everything up to God and that hoping against hope is not a life strategy, but that would mean I would have to talk to him, and I don’t want to talk to him.
People say these things to make sense of the world. Secretly, in their heart of hearts, almost everyone believes that there’s some meaning, some willfulness to life. Fairness. Basic decency. Good things happen to good people. Bad things only happen to bad people.
No one wants to believe that life is random. My dad says he doesn’t know where my cynicism comes from, but I’m not a cynic. I am a realist. It’s better to see life as it is, not as you wish it to be. Things don’t happen for a reason. They just happen.
Sayfa 34Kitabı okudu
Do people recover from these things? He doesn’t think they do.
It’s been two years, but the grieving has not left him, shows no signs of leaving until it’s taken everything from him. It has cost him his marriage, his smile, his ability to eat enough, sleep enough, and feel enough.
It has cost him his ability to be sober.
Sayfa 57Kitabı okudu
“How come mothers are always the ones most blamed for screwing up children? Fathers screw kids up perfectly well.”
Sayfa 75Kitabı okudu
“Don’t you want to do something you love?”
“Why?” she asks, like she genuinely doesn’t understand the appeal of loving something.
“It’s a long life to spend doing something you’re only meh about,” I insist.
She wrinkles her nose. “It’s even longer if you spend it chasing dreams that can never, ever come true.”
Sayfa 84Kitabı okudu
I don’t want whatever is happening between us to happen, but it feels like trying to stop the weather from happening.
When I was rescheduling my appointment, a part of me wondered if I was being ridiculous. A girl I’ve just met isn’t worth jeopardizing my future over. It was easier to have that thought when I wasn’t looking at her, because now I can’t remember why I hesitated at all.
What’s the use in getting all our hopes up?
But of course, all teenagers do this. All teenagers separate from their parents. To grow up is to grow apart.
Sayfa 107Kitabı okudu
“I’m sorry about everything, about the whole history of the world and all its racism and the unfairness of all of it.”
“What are you even saying? It’s not your fault. You can’t apologize for racism.”
“I can and I do.”
Jesus. Save me from the nice and sincere boys who feel things too deeply.
Sayfa 119Kitabı okudu
It’s hard to come from someplace or someone you’re not proud of.
Sayfa 119Kitabı okudu