Look at the lyrics of popular songs or read some classical poetry: the phrases we choose to describe romantic love don’t really sound all that pleasant. “Crazy in love,” “love hurts,” “obsession,” “heartbreak”…these are all descriptions of mental or physical illness. The feeling that gets called romantic love in this culture seems to be a heady cocktail of lust and adrenaline, sparked by uncertainty, insecurity, perhaps even anger or danger. The chills up the spine that we recognize as passion are, in fact, the same physical phenomenon as hair rising up on a cat’s back, caused by the fight-or-flight response. This kind of love can be thrilling and overwhelming and sometimes a hell of a lot of fun, but it is not the only “real” kind of love, nor is it always a good basis for an ongoing relationship.

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The Ethical Slut Dossie Easton

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