I am not in struggle Skyler, i am the struggle
A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No i am the one who struggles!
Why? Just in case you need a peace of mind, here's a piece of mine. Im good you know, losing a little wont do much.
Have you ever written tons of shit, clicked somewhere accidentaly, watch all the things you wrote just dissapear? And said fuck it, closed the phone or page maybe, frustrated, but wanting not to be seen as a jerk at the same time 'cause you didnt reply, opened it and started writing again? Well..😂 i have had that happened to me several times. İt sucks.
Lets say
When someone you love does something you dont like, and especially if you are emotional at that time, say angry, you might say things that you dont actually mean right? But the problem is, other person might be so emotionally immature or might have so many insecurities that they can misinterpret what you say, and get seriously offended by it(by their thoughts of what you meant not by what you actually meant), to a point where he/she cuts all the contact.
Now not only you are the bad one(altough there is probably a reason to your anger) but also youre the bad one because of something that you didnt actually say. And like i said there is no contact, meaning that there is no way for you to try to explain or fix the misunderstanding.
And as if its not enough, just because you still care him/her so much, you tolerate it, but when it starts to happen all the time, it gets so frustrating, and makes you feel in each time so bad because you think that you are the problem; 'oh, its my bad, before saying that, i should have thought that it could be misinterpreted so i should have avoided saying that..', which is something that you cant do all the time obviously.
Now your dealing with someone who you know is wrong but you hold yourself responsible for it because you 'should have seen it coming', or something like that.
Now here is another thing, i know that all this 'dont try to contact me' thing is a game in this particular case, just a game of trying to remind me his/her value. After some time i know i will be called, contacted but still, whats that attidude?
İts like you dont understand something and you have this option of asking what he or she meant by saying that in order to have a better understanding of the situation like a normal mature person would do and continue arguing from there
but instead you say.. 'naah, i like drama'.
And we start playing. Drills you mentally, wastes your time.
About your question, yes i did that shit before. It really sucks. Even i cried for once.
And the other subject.. You mean, you are the hero of this story? Even if it's you or not, this situation is so hard to handle. I know because i've been there. It was like livin' the hell for twenty years. While i was livin' it, it seemed to me i could take it for a life time. This was because of the power of love. It was an illusion in fact, but looked sooo real. Would you like me to give you an advise?
"While i was livin' it, it seemed to me i could take it for a life time."
İ can relate.
At night, i was thinkin' to tell you to get lost without a trace. I was gonna tell you to run away from her, without hesıtation.Then i thought about myself, so many people told me to do the same. My friends couldn't ever understand what i see in him, why i took all those shit. Guess it was love. It was so bitter, and a little bit sweet. That little sweetness never let me go. I was kinda slave. Like i said, it was like hell most of the time, but these little happiness moments..
So, i'm gonna tell you nothing now. If i tell you to open your eyes and be a smart guy, it won't help you. You are the captain of your life. You should be free to choose what to do. Your choıces mıght make you sad sometımes. But it will heal in time. If you don't make your choıces by your own, it will be a regret for a lıfetıme.
So do what you're gonna do. And be happy. Who am i to give you an advice?
Yeah i understand you completely, even pain can be addictive sometimes when its mixed with love, in a weird way, even though you know logically it is not good for you you choose to stay like there is something strong that prevents you from leaving, i dont know fear of the unknown maybe, thank you anyway.
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