Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries
Emotional First Aid
Guy WinchEmotional First Aid Sözleri ve Alıntıları
Emotional First Aid sözleri ve alıntılarını, Emotional First Aid kitap alıntılarını, Emotional First Aid en etkileyici cümleleri ve paragragları 1000Kitap'ta bulabilirsiniz.
Sometimes our social groups recognize we've outgrown them even before we do.
Sayfa 31Kitabı okudu
Low Self-Esteem Treatment A: Adopt Self Compassion & Silence The Critical Voices In Your Head
Low Self-Esteem Treatment B: Identify Your Strengths & Affirm Them
Low Self-Esteem Treatment C: Increase Your Tolerance For Compliments
Low Self-Esteem Treatment D: Increase Your Personal Empowerment
Practice, patience, and persistence are key ingredients in developing personal empowerment. Once we begin speaking up, we will be able to assess our strengths and weaknesses and learn which of our skills and tools still need work. Each setback will also teach us how to devise more effective plans.
Low Self-Esteem Treatment E: Improve Your Self Control
Exercise: Use your nondominant hand for as many tasks as possible every day between the hours of 8:00a.m. and 6:00p.m. for four to eight weeks.
Most of us only put in as much effort as a situation requires from us. If we can "get away" with being less considerate or less reciprocal, and various other forms of "getting without giving", many of us will, not because we're evil, but simply because we can. If people demanded or expected more of us we would do more, but when they don't, we don't make the effort. This dynamic is true in practically every relationship we have. When our self-esteem is low and we expect very little of others, we are likely to get very little from them as well.
Changing this dynamic once a relationship is already established is difficult because we're in essence "changing the terms of the deal" after the other person has already been operating under a specific set of assumptions and expectations. That is why it is crucial to pay great attention to the expectations we set up when our friendships and romantic relationships first begin.
Failure Treatment A: Get Support & Get Real
Failure Treatment B: Focus On Factors In Your Control
Failure Treatment C: Take Responsibility and Own The Fear
Rumination Treatment A: Change Your Perspective
(self immersed perspective x self distanced perspective)
Rumination Treatment B: Distract Yourself From Emotional Pain
(suppression x distraction)
Rumination Treatment C: Reframe The Anger
Rumination Treatment D: Go Easy On Your Friends
Guilt Treatment A: Learn the Recipe for an Effective Apology
Most of us conceive of apologies as including three basic ingredients: (1) a statement of regret for what happened; (2) a clear "I'm sorry" statement; and (3) a request for forgiveness -all of which must be delivered with sincerity. (...) Scientists have discovered three additional components that also play a vital role in an apology's effectiveness: validating the other person's feelings, offering atonement, and acknowledging we violated expectations.
How to Offer Authentic Emotional Validation
1-Let the other person complete his or her narrative about what happened so you have all the facts.
2-Convey your understanding of what happened to this person from his or her perspective (whether you agree with that perspective or not and even if that perspective is obviously skewed).
3-Convey your understanding of how the person felt as a result of what happened (from his or her perspective).
4-Acknowledge that his or her feelings are reasonable (which, given that person's perspective, they are).
5-Convey empathy and remorse for the person's emotional state.
Although it might not always be relevant, necessary, or possible to do so, making offers to compensate or atone for our actions in some way can be extremely meaningful to the offended party, even if he or she turns down the offers we make.
Guilt Treatment B: Forgive Yourself
Guilt Treatment C: Reengage in Life
Loss and Trauma Treatment A: Soothe Your Emotional Pain Your Way
Loss and Trauma Treatment B: Recover Lost Aspects of Your "Self"
1. List your qualities, characteristics, and abilities that you valued in yourself or that others valued about you before the events occurred (aim for at least ten items).
2. Which of the above items feel most disconnected from your life today or tend to be expressed less today than they had been previously?
3. For each quality you listed, write a brief paragraph describing why you feel disconnected from the attribute in question or why the quality is no longer expressed as extensively as it had been previously.
4. For each quality you listed, write a brief paragraph describing possible people, activities, or outlets you could pursue that would allow you to express the quality in a more substantial way than you are able to do currently.
5. Rank the items from the previous question according to which of them seem both doable and emotionally manageable.
6. Set yourself the goal of working through the list as best you can and at whatever pace seems most comfortable.
Loss and Trauma Treatment C: Find Meaning in Tragedy
1-I never imagined back then that such tragic events would lead me to:
2-What I did was significant and very meaningful to me because:
3-The first step of my journey toward the achievement was when I:
4-My achievement was possible because I changed my priorities such that:
5-Changing my priorities led me to make the following changes in my life:
6-Along the way I realized my purpose in life is:
Loneliness Treatment D: Deepen Your Emotional Bonds
Empathy involves stepping into another person's shoes in order to gain an understanding of their emotional experience and then conveying our insights to them convincingly. Rather than merely acquiring their point of view as we do when perspective taking, we seek a deeper understanding so we can glimpse how they actually feel. (...) The more the other person realizes you've put thought and effort into appreciating his or her point of view, the more impact your empathy-informed communications will have.
Loneliness Treatment C: Take the Other Person's Perspective
1. Failing to Engage Our Perspective-taking Muscles When We Should
2. We Favor Our Own Point of View
3. We Consider the Wrong Information
Loneliness Treatment B: Identify Your Self-Defeating Behaviors
Loneliness makes us approach people with caution and suspicion, and our hesitancy usually comes across loud and clear to others, prompting them to retreat from our bad vibe. We then feel crushed and conclude we were right to be suspicious and cautious in the first place. The fact
Understanding a person's needs and feelings from his or her perspective is vital for creating and sustaining close friendships and emotional intimacy. When these relationship muscles are weak, we overlook crucial information about how the other person thinks and feels and our efforts often fail.
I once had a male patient in his twenties whose fear of rejection made him hesitant to approach women, and I gave him the task of asking out nine women in one weekend. He had plans to attend three different social events, and I promised him that if he approached three women per event, by the time he got to the third (a birthday party for a work colleague) he would feel very differently about the prospect of getting turned down. Interestingly, merely agreeing to the challenge had an immediate impact on him. (...) Desensitization can be an effective technique for reducing the emotional impact of rejections but it should be used both sparingly and wisely. (...) The most important aspect is to concentrate our efforts into a limited time frame, as spreading out the task over time dilutes it and renders it ineffective.
Intense ruminations can often make us so focused on our own emotional needs that we become blind to those of the people around us and our relationships often suffer as a result.
Ruminating on our problems and feelings scratches at our emotional scabs and causes four primary psychological wounds: it intensifies our sadness and allows it to persist for far longer than it might have otherwise; likewise, it intensifies and prolongs our anger; it hogs substantial amounts of emotional and intellectual resources, inhibiting motivation, initiative, and our ability to focus and think productively; and our need to discuss the same events or feelings repeatedly for weeks, months, and sometimes years on end taxes the patience and compassion of our social support systems and puts our relationships at risk.
Loss and trauma often force a new reality on our lives that, depending on the severity of the events we've experienced, can completely redefine our identities as well as the narrative of our life stories.