ecem☆
@anderleniyoruz
363 okur puanı
Mart 2020 tarihinde katıldı
Şu anda okuduğu kitaplar
Okuma Hedefleri
Evet,çocukken bütün çocuklar gibi ben de çocukların günaha girmediklerini zannederdim.Ama sonra büyüdüm ve Freud okudum.
Dünya,intikam ateşiyle yanıp korkularından taş kesilen,taş kalpli,taş kafalı ucubelerle dolu üçüncü sınıf bir Uzakdoğu sirki.
But when I in advertently groaned because I was really in pain, they started the rumor that I was faking suffering. The world is out of joint.
Doesn't that mean in effect that I have no choice but suicide?
In spite of my suffering, at the thought that I was sure to end up by killing myself, I cried aloud and burst into tears.
Okur Takip Önerileri
I felt as though the vessel of my suffering had become empty,as if nothing could interest me now.I had lost even the ability to suffer.
I know that I am liked by other people but I seem to be deficient in the faculty to love others.
(I should add that I have very strong doubts as to whether even human beings really possess this faculty.)
Now I have neither happiness or unhappiness.Everything passes.
That is the one and only thing I have thought resembled a truth in the society of human beings where I have dwelled up to now as in a burning hell.
Everything passes.
Some perhaps will deride me.
"What do you I mean by not having faith in human beings? When did you become a Christian anyway?"
I fail to see,however,that a distrust for human beings should necessarily lead directly to religion.Is it not true,rather,that human beings,including those who may now be deriding me,are living in mutual distrust,giving not a thought to God or anything else?
The thought occurred to me as I lay there.You wait and wait for happinessand when finally you can't bear it any longer you rush out of the house,only to hear later that a marvelous happiness arrived the following day at the home you had abandoned and now it was too late.Sometimes happiness arrives one night too late.
Really,i don't know which is the true me.Whatever will I do when there aren't any more books to read or when I can't find another role model to imitate?
We have a vague notion of the best place we should go or the beautiful places we should like to see or the kinds of places that would make us grow as a person.We yearn for a good life.We have real hopes and ambitions.
We feel impatient for an unshakable faith that we can rely on.But it would require considerable effort to express such things in our typical life as a girl.
Kendi karakterim diyebileceğim bir şeyi aslında gizliden gizliye sevdiğim,sevmeye devam etmek istediğim halde bunu kendi üzerimde somutlaştırmak korku verici.İnsanların onayladığı bir kız olmak istiyorum hep.
Bir sürü kişiyle bir araya gelince hemen nasıl da dalkavuklaşıyorum.Ağzıma almak bile istemediğim sözleri,kendi hislerimden çok uzak şeyleri yalandan söyleyip duruyorum.İşime böyle geleceği için,işime geleceğini düşündüğüm için.Bundan hiç hoşlanmıyorum.
Bu yapmacıklıkla ne yapacağımı hiç bilemiyorum.
"Aşırı poz takınmaktan artık takındığım pozların yönettiği yalancı bir canavara döndüm,"falan desem de aslında bu laf da bir poz olduğu için elim kolum bağlı.
''Meryem bile kocasından olmayan bir çocuğu doğurduğunda gurur duydu.Kutsal Anne ve Kutsal Çocuk oldular.''
