Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries
Emotional First Aid
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Loneliness Treatment D: Deepen Your Emotional Bonds
Empathy involves stepping into another person's shoes in order to gain an understanding of their emotional experience and then conveying our insights to them convincingly. Rather than merely acquiring their point of view as we do when perspective taking, we seek a deeper understanding so we can glimpse how they actually feel. (...) The more the other person realizes you've put thought and effort into appreciating his or her point of view, the more impact your empathy-informed communications will have.
Loneliness Treatment E: Create Opportunities for Social Connection
The best way to overcome feelings of vulnerability, reduce our hesitancy, and avoid being labeled as lonely is to approach situations with a larger goal in mind. (...) By having an additional agenda, we come across not as someone who is lonely, but as someone who is passionate about our hobby, devoted to our goals, or serious about our creative endeavors.
Loneliness Treatment F: Adopt a Best Friend
Loss and trauma often force a new reality on our lives that, depending on the severity of the events we've experienced, can completely redefine our identities as well as the narrative of our life stories.
Loss and Trauma Treatment A: Soothe Your Emotional Pain Your Way
Loss and Trauma Treatment B: Recover Lost Aspects of Your "Self"
1. List your qualities, characteristics, and abilities that you valued in yourself or that others valued about you before the events occurred (aim for at least ten items).
2. Which of the above items feel most disconnected from your life today or tend to be expressed less today than they had been previously?
3. For each quality you listed, write a brief paragraph describing why you feel disconnected from the attribute in question or why the quality is no longer expressed as extensively as it had been previously.
4. For each quality you listed, write a brief paragraph describing possible people, activities, or outlets you could pursue that would allow you to express the quality in a more substantial way than you are able to do currently.
5. Rank the items from the previous question according to which of them seem both doable and emotionally manageable.
6. Set yourself the goal of working through the list as best you can and at whatever pace seems most comfortable.
Loss and Trauma Treatment C: Find Meaning in Tragedy
1-I never imagined back then that such tragic events would lead me to:
2-What I did was significant and very meaningful to me because:
3-The first step of my journey toward the achievement was when I:
4-My achievement was possible because I changed my priorities such that:
5-Changing my priorities led me to make the following changes in my life:
6-Along the way I realized my purpose in life is:
Guilt Treatment A: Learn the Recipe for an Effective Apology
Most of us conceive of apologies as including three basic ingredients: (1) a statement of regret for what happened; (2) a clear "I'm sorry" statement; and (3) a request for forgiveness -all of which must be delivered with sincerity. (...) Scientists have discovered three additional components that also play a vital role in an apology's effectiveness: validating the other person's feelings, offering atonement, and acknowledging we violated expectations.
How to Offer Authentic Emotional Validation
1-Let the other person complete his or her narrative about what happened so you have all the facts.
2-Convey your understanding of what happened to this person from his or her perspective (whether you agree with that perspective or not and even if that perspective is obviously skewed).
3-Convey your understanding of how the person felt as a result of what happened (from his or her perspective).
4-Acknowledge that his or her feelings are reasonable (which, given that person's perspective, they are).
5-Convey empathy and remorse for the person's emotional state.
Although it might not always be relevant, necessary, or possible to do so, making offers to compensate or atone for our actions in some way can be extremely meaningful to the offended party, even if he or she turns down the offers we make.
Guilt Treatment B: Forgive Yourself
Guilt Treatment C: Reengage in Life
Ruminating on our problems and feelings scratches at our emotional scabs and causes four primary psychological wounds: it intensifies our sadness and allows it to persist for far longer than it might have otherwise; likewise, it intensifies and prolongs our anger; it hogs substantial amounts of emotional and intellectual resources, inhibiting motivation, initiative, and our ability to focus and think productively; and our need to discuss the same events or feelings repeatedly for weeks, months, and sometimes years on end taxes the patience and compassion of our social support systems and puts our relationships at risk.