Last Words
George CarlinLast Words Gönderileri
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Bütün işi tırtıl yapar; ama şöhreti kelebek kapar- George Carlin
Circumcision: a barbaric practice designed to remind you as early as possible that your genitals are not your own.
For the first four weeks of my life I lived to projectile vomit. My mother later told me with great pride: “They would feed you and you would shoot formula clear across the room. You couldn’t keep anything down.” And I still can’t. This remarkable inability to hold anything back and to spew it clear across a public space has served me well my whole life.
I support a woman’s right to an abortion. So long as it’s not my abortion.
The Irish do enjoy sex—at least the last ten seconds or so. But we must admit that Irish foreplay consists of little more than “You awake?” Or the more caring, sensitive “Brace yourself, Agnes!”
Sliding headfirst down a vagina with no clothes on and landing in the freshly shaven crotch of a screaming woman did not seem to be part of God’s plan for me. At least not at first. I’m not one of those people who can boast of having been a sparkle in his mother’s eye. A cinder comes closer.
He was also doing a new humor book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, a title designed to be offensive to all three Abrahamic faiths. (When it came out in 2004, the only religious institution it offended was Walmart. Because the cover lampooned the Last Supper with George seated at the table, waiting for Jesus, they refused to rack the book.)
Only pinheaded criminal business pricks and politicians wrote autobiographies.
Laughter, like politics, is always local.
“It’s called the American Dream because to believe it, you have to be ASLEEP!”
i am gonna steal this
“Gee, he was here a moment ago …”
—(What George wanted on his tombstone—if he’d had one.)