Geceleri yatağa uzanır ama uyuyamazdım. Nefret edecek bir sürü şey gelirdi aklıma, ama sonunda yine kendimden nefret ederdim. Geceleri çok düşünmekten gündüzleri başım ağrırdı.
Başlarda çok heyecanlanmıştım. Söylediklerimde gerçekten samimiydim. Onunla, tüm benliğimle mutlu olmuş, sonrasında neler olacağını bir an bile düşünmemiştim.
Seni hayal kırıklığına uğratacak, diye savundu beynimin korumacı kısmı. Seni diğerlerinden daha çok incitecek. Sanki düşüncelerimi okuyabiliyormuş gibi, “Yapmayacağım,” dedi Johnny. “Her neye alıştıysan,” derken gözleri benimkilere kilitlendi. “Ya da her kime alıştıysan. Gözlerindeki o hüzünlü bakıştan her ne sorumluysa…” başparmağını elmacık kemiğimin üzerinde gezdirmek için duraksadı. “O ben değilim, ben öyle biri değilim ve sana bunu yapmayacağım.”
“Going a bit too far there, aren’t we? Why so uncompromising? Lan Zhan, what exactly do you want?”
Lan Wangji said, enunciating each word as clearly as he could, “Return to Gusu with me.”
Jiang Cheng tightened his grip on Wei Wuxian. “You’re not even that close to him! Do you seriously not see how much he hates you? And carry him?! He probably doesn’t want you anywhere near him.”
“That’s okay. I don’t hate him,”
“I’m here.” Hearing those two words, a feeling Wei Wuxian had never felt before spread into his heart. It was like an ache. His heart throbbed a little, but it was also a little warm. He still remembered back when they were in Jiangling—Lan Wangji had traveled thousands of kilometers to help him but Wei Wuxian wasn’t grateful at all, and he’d constantly clashed with him and made it awfully unpleasant between the two of them. But he really hadn’t expected it to turn out like this. When everyone was praising him out of fear, Lan Wangji rebuked him to his face. When everyone spat and hated on him, Lan Wangji stood by his side.
“When we were younger…” Lan Wangji’s brows arched just slightly. On seeing this, Wei Wuxian changed his tune. “All right, fine. Me. When I was younger. It wasn’t like that for me when I was younger.” Lan Wangji replied impassively, “That was you. Not everyone is as you were.”
Wei Wuxian pointed at himself with a wide, happy grin. “What about this one?”
“Mine,” Lan Wangji answered.
“…”
Lan Wangji gazed intently at him and repeated, impeccably, clearly, emphasizing the word, “Mine.”