reizen
@reizen
büyücü
Lisans
puqi tapınağı
73 okur puanı
Ağustos 2020 tarihinde katıldı
Şu anda okuduğu kitaplar
Okuma Hedefleri
Sabitlenmiş gönderi
“Hua Cheng sessizce şöyle dedi: "Majesteleri, ben sizin her şeyinizi anlıyorum.
"Cesaretinizi, umutsuzluğunuzu; nezaketiniz, acınız; kırgınlığınız, nefretiniz; zekanız, aptallığınız.
"Eğer yapabilseydim, beni basamak olarak kullanmanı, geçtikten sonra parçaladığın köprü, tırmanmak için çiğnemen gereken ceset kemikleri olarak kullanmanı isterdim. Ben milyonlarca bıçağın kesmesini hak eden günahkarım. Ama biliyorum, buna izin vermezsin."
(...)
Ancak Hua Cheng yalnızca şöyle yanıt verdi: "Senin için savaşta ölmek benim en büyük onurumdur."
Bu sözler ölümcül bir darbe gibiydi. Xie Lian'ın gözlerindeki yaşlar artık engellenemedi ve akmaya başladı.
Sanki hayatının ipliğine bağlıymış gibi yalvardı:
Ancak Hua Cheng, "Bu dünyada sonu gelmeyen hiçbir ziyafet yoktur" diye yanıtladı.
Xie Lian başını eğdi ve göğsünün derinliklerine gömdü, kalbi ve boğazı daralmış bir acı içindeydi, konuşamıyordu.
Ancak kısa bir süre sonra Hua Cheng'in yukarıdan şunu söylediğini duydu: "Ama seni asla bırakmayacağım."
Bunu duyan Xie Lian'ın kafası yukarı kalktı.
Hua Cheng ona, "Geri döneceğim. Majesteleri, inanın bana" dedi.
Okur Takip Önerileri
Xihe-jun, welcome home!
“ On this day, ice and snow melted away; all of his happiness and sorrow could no longer be hidden, all of it on display before his soldiers—but, what surprised him was, not a single person laughed at him. Those joking and enthusiastic smiles were gradually held back; they gazed intently at him, as if the barrier that had been between them for a long time had shattered. Suddenly, someone unafraid of death shouted out, "Xihe-jun, welcome home!" The crowd was silent, and Mo Xi made no sound either.”
“But Mo Xi knew that wasn’t true, that none of this was a dream. He’d once gone into the past and saw Gu Mang and Lu Zhanxing’s final farewell; Gu Mang had yearned so deeply for his lonely self to have relatives by his side. He thought of what Yue Chenqing had said as well, that Murong Chuyi had always been alone; an infant abandoned at a temple, never knowing who his family was, or whether they were still alive. Of the two of them, one was cold and one was warm, one was hoping with fervency, one was seeking in silence. They seemed completely unrelated, but as it turned out….. as it turned out…..”
“Mengze said you woke up during the day, but perhaps because I'm unlucky, you're asleep every time I come to see you." Mo Xi spoke to him in a very low voice, as if hoping he would hear, yet also hoping not to disturb him.”
“Mo Xi coughed blood, suppressing the shattered sobs in his throat, suddenly closing his eyes with a shiver. Tears escaped his eyes, flowing out unstoppably down his cheeks—he had almost collapsed. Back then, what must Gu Mang have..... felt? Clearly, he had just sworn a xiongzhang, only getting to call him dage so few times in his life before having to send him to the gallows. Clearly, he knew his dage was innocent, was falsely accused, but couldn't exonerate him or tell anyone the truth. When Gu Mang smiled as he swore and kowtowed towards Lu Zhanxing, what was he feeling... What flesh injury on earth could hurt more than the sorrow of being a spy? Knowledge that couldn’t be said, love that couldn’t be told. A pair of hands..... stained with the blood of his brothers, his comrades, against his will. Watching as the demons and beasts around him devastated the nation he used to protect, but still having to laugh, and shout, 'how delightful!' Hearing from his motherland the wailing of civilians, the crying of infants, the enraged shouting of soldiers, but still having to put on an indestructible mask, unable to shed a single tear[…]”
“Why did you have to hide it from me..... Why.... before you walked onto this path.... you pushed even me to the side..... not knowing anything..... Why?!! Why.....”
“I stayed there for a long, long time. Later, I discovered that this island was a moving island. It would never stay for long in one place......" Gu Mang and Mo Xi exchanged glances. What kind of island was this? Covered in flowers and moving around in the sea, truly something unheard of. "All four seasons were like spring, probably because an immortal lived here, so the spirit of plants flourished,” Wuyan said. “But, even though there were a lot of plants, there weren't very many living things that could speak. On this island, other than me, there was only the immortal who saved me. His everything was good, but he was just too mysterious. He wouldn't tell me where he came from. He wouldn't even tell me his name. After knowing him for so long, all I knew was that his last name was Chen.”
“A person's heart was not stubborn stone and cold steel—this silent endurance of eight years collapsed like an anthill. Mo Xi couldn't bear it anymore. He undid the invisibility spell on his cloak, his brows knit, kneeling down by the Gu Mang who had curled into a ball. Hoarsely, he spoke: "Gu Mang, look at me, I'm still here." I'm still here. But, perhaps Gu Mang was too heartbroken, or his mind had been strained to its limits, and already collapsed. He didn't react at all to Mo Xi's voice or his sudden appearance. Mo Xi was hurting so much, he couldn't speak; his hands were shaking, too. He raised them, wanting to hold his beloved who wore a military uniform but was stripped of fathomless glory, and gather him into his arms. In this moment, he stopped caring for the consequences. He really..... In this eight years of pain and longing, in this upstream flow of the Time Mirror, he really had been driven insane. "Gu Mang.......Gu Mang......" Mo Xi softly said, unintelligibly hoarse, "It's okay now, I'll stay with you...I'll stay with you...”
“I thought, I was a…companion. Your companion,” replied Gu Mang.
Mo Xi didn’t speak. After a moment, he reached out and hooked a finger around the slave collar on Gu Mang’s neck. His fingertip slowly traced its way downward until it flicked the metal tag on its pitch-black iron ring. Eyes downcast, Mo Xi said, “You thought I would be companions with someone wearing this? You are a traitor. I am your mortal enemy,” he murmured. “This will not change. Gu Mang, we can never go back”
“Still utterly unsatisfied, with his emotions in turmoil, Mo Xi demanded Gu Mang write, “In life I’ll return to you, in death I will yearn for you,”11 and “This longing will only end when we see each other again.”12 Even when it was clear Gu Mang couldn’t possibly know how to write any of these words, Mo Xi refused to let him go. Instead, he pinned him to the chair and forbade him from moving.”
Hating me, it hurts you?
“What’s hate?” Gu Mang asked, lost.
“Look into my eyes. I hate that I can’t drink your blood, tear off your skin, and torture you to the brink with my own hands, make you suffer until you beg for death.” Mo Xi stared at him coldly as he enunciated each word. “That’s hate.”
Gu Mang stared hard into his eyes. They were very close, their eyes fixed on one another’s, their breaths mingling. Mo Xi found it inappropriate and was about to push him away, when he heard Gu Mang say, “But…you look like you’re in pain…like it really hurts.
“Hating me, it hurts you?”
“It wasn’t as if Mo Xi had never tried to dissuade Gu Mang. He’d told Gu Mang that he was being too generous, and that Mo Xi’s future was uncertain; this grace might not be something he could repay. But army ruffian Gu-shixiong only laughed, his long lashes frosted over in the cold night. “Who said anything about repayment? You’re in my squadron and you’re my brother, so I need to protect you.”
“But I…”
“Enough with the buts. If it really bothers you, make note of everything you owe me in a scroll, and return it all with interest once you’ve made your mark.” Gu Mang ruffled Mo Xi’s hair with a smile. “Aiyo, my precious princess is such a finicky little fool.”
“Mo Xi had finally reached his breaking point. He fumed, “Do you think I’m your slave, to be called forth and sent back as you please?”
Unexpectedly, Gu Mang pointed to himself. “I am the slave. You are the lord.”
Silence.
“But you aren’t my lord,” Gu Mang continued, some confusion appearing on his face. “Jiang Yexue said the back of the collar had to be carved with your name, but you said it didn’t. Why?”
Mo Xi clenched his jaw. “Because I don’t want you.”
Gu Mang was dazed for a moment. He looked perplexed as he repeated, “You don’t want me. No one else wants me either. No one wants Gu Mang… So nobody wants Gu Mang?”
”
“Gu Mang opened his eyes and touched his neck without a word. Very quickly, he reached up again, this time turning his head and mumbling pensively, “Necklace…”
Mo Xi was leaning against the window, all long legs and narrow waist. When he heard Gu Mang say this, he stared blankly. “What?”
“Did you give me a necklace?” Gu Mang asked in astonishment.
Silence.”