"After a while, Tegan had realised what she was missing: the simple truth was that she had never felt more alive than when helping to defeat the Cybermen, or Terileptils, or the Master or Omega. Tegan was at heart a practical woman and more than anything she wanted to help. Travelling with the Doctor had given her adventure, excitement, and above all, the chance to make a difference."
But tenderness has disappeared from my tongue; parts of my heart are missing.
During her search for the missing door, she’d read that the Prince of Hearts’ church held a different aroma for everyone who visited. It was supposed to smell like a person’s greatest heartbreak.
But as Evangeline entered the cool cathedral, the air did not remind her of Luc—there were no hints of suede or vetiver. The dim mouth of the church was slightly sweet and metallic: apples and blood.
Chapter 1Kitabı okudu
And I hate him, hate him for doing this to my heart, hate my body for being so weak, for wanting him, missing him, despite everything and I don’t know whether to cry or kiss him or kick him in the teeth.
Chances are, I’ll never set foot on another mountain, or have the sensation of sun and wind and sea spray on my face, adrenaline coursing through my veins. It really sucks. But missing all that, it’s nothing compared to breaking my big sister’s heart.
“It’s so lovely to be together again,” Mama says, smiling.
All of us but Serwa.
I blink back tears, taking a sip of my wine.
I don’t think you ever stop missing the people you’ve lost.
Maybe someday it hurts less. But that hasn’t happened yet.
The image flips over again. Now, instead of soda, it’s showing a seventy-foot-long perfume ad. It’s a woman’s face, in extreme close-up—the most famous face in the world.
Wide-set eyes, slightly tilted up at the outer edges, honey-brown with dark rings around the iris. Thick, black lashes, and straight dark brows. Smooth cheeks like polished bronze. A square face, delicate chin, full mouth. Those lovely lips are curved up in a smile. But the eyes are sad . . . terribly sad.
Or at least that’s how they look to me.
But what do I know?
She’s probably the happiest person in the world—why wouldn’t she be? She’s a fucking supermodel. Rich, successful, famous, traveling the world, hobnobbing with celebrities . . . what could she possibly be missing?
It’s me who’s fucking miserable.
I stare at that face a long time, even though every moment of it feels like pure torture. It feels like a vise tightening around my chest, squeezing and squeezing until my breastbone is about to crack.
Then, finally, the image flips over to cola again.
I turn away, face still burning.
When you’re wondering if loving someone was worth it, ask yourself this. If you could go back in time, if you could do it all over again, would you? Would you choose that person, would you choose that hope, knowing that you would also be choosing that hurt. Knowing that at one point in time, you were going to have to survive the loss of them, the ache of missing Would you still risk for them? Would you still love them? Would you still stay up until 4 AM with them on the night you met, letting yourself fall? Would you still get on the plane? Would you still forgive and trust; would you still make the memories, would you still give them a home in your heart? See, if the answer is no, then maybe what you had was not love; maybe it was a lesson. Maybe you can find closure in that. But if your answer is yes, then ah—do not doubt if it was worth it. Do not make it any less beautiful in your mind, do not turn it into something you choose to forget. No, if you would do it all again, if you would still choose just a few more hours, just a few more days, just a few more years, despite the inevitable loss, then you had something most people never find in this lifetime. You had something worth the fight.
Sayfa 95Kitabı okudu
This is me moving on. This is me accepting the ache
of missing you. This is me waking up every single day
and tackling the street corners we walked upon, the corner coffee shops we ate at, the sheets we wrapped ourselves in at night. This is me waking up every single day, aware of what is missing, but accepting of the fact that this is my life now, that this is the way things are going to be. This is me understanding that it is okay to have my heartbeat speak your name. This is me understanding that it is okay to miss someone who was once such a staple in my life. But this is also me understanding that life does go on. That one day I will hear the songs and smile, I will sleep in the sheets and they will no longer smell like you; one day I will fall in love again, one day I will look back on this and my hands will not shake with the heaviness of it all.
This is me moving on. This is me accepting the fact
that we will no longer make memories together. This
is me coming to terms with the reality of a future without you. This is me understanding that you will do everything we had ever spoken about—you will live a life you are proud of, you will become the person you told me you hoped you could be, you will take the trips, you will experience all of the things you wanted to experience, you will love—deeply and wholly and
with every inch of your patchwork heart, but all of that will happen without me by your side.
Sayfa 78Kitabı okudu
Poem Candy - written by Luke Davies
“Once upon a time, there's Candy and Dan.
Things were very hot that year.
All the wax was melting in the trees.
He would climb balconies, climb everywhere, do anything for her, oh Danny boy.
Thousands of birds, the tiniest birds, adorned her hair. Everything was gold. One night the bed caught fire. He was handsome and a very good criminal. We lived on sunlight and chocolate bars. It was the afternoon of extravagant delight. Danny the daredevil. Candy went missing. The days last rays of sunshine cruise like sharks. I want to try it your way this time. You came into my life really fast and I liked it. We squelched in the mud of our joy. I was wet-thighed with surrender. Then there was a gap in things and the whole earth tilted. This is the business. This, is what we're after. With you inside me comes the hatch of death. And perhaps I'll simply never sleep again. The monster in the pool. We are a proper family now with cats and chickens and runner beans. Everywhere I looked. And sometimes I hate you. Friday -- I didn't mean that, mother of the blueness. Angel of the storm. Remember me in my opaqueness. You pointed at the sky, that one called Sirius or dog star, but on here on earth. Fly away sun. Ha ha fucking ha you are so funny Dan. A vase of flowers by the bed. My bare blue knees at dawn. These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going to. I broke your head on the back of the bed but the baby he died in the morning. I gave him a name. His name was Thomas. Poor little god. His heart pounds like a voodoo drum.”
m.youtube.com/watch?v=YBNhJeI...
Luke Davies
you're the only thing i can feel !
only one i can feel ...
one and only
and they warn me to stay away
they warn me to get away
and kill what i have inside
they're right !
they've no idea how deep your hands at!
so they right !
they can't imagine my heart beat that hard
they right
you pull me apart
but anyways,
i feel something
pull me apart
just stay in my life
i've been missing feelings for a while
i love the histeria
even if you wont be mine
stay
or don't even worry
i'll make you stay somehow