‘’In visions of the dark night
I have dreamed of joy departed-
But a waking dream of life and light
Hath left me broken-hearted
Ah! what is not a dream by day
To him whose eyes are cast
On things around him with a ray
Turned back upon the past?
That holy dream-that holy dream,
While all the world were chiding,
Hath cheered me as a lovely beam,
A lonely spirit guiding.
What a though that light, thro’ storm and night,
So trembled from afar-
What could there be more purely bright
In Truth’s day star?’’
I fold myself into a corner of this room and bury my head in my knees and rock back and forth and back and forth and back and forth and I wish and I wish and I wish and I dream of impossible things until I’ve cried myself to sleep.
I wonder what it would be like to have a friend.
And then I wonder who else is locked in this asylum. I wonder where the other screams are coming from.
I wonder if they’re coming from me.
But sometimes I get so tired that I forget I’m not allowed to wish for things anymore, and I find myself wishing for the one thing I’ve always wanted. The only thing I’ve always dreamt about.
I wish all the time for a friend.
I dream about it. I imagine what it would be like. To smile and be smiled upon. To have a person to confide in; someone who wouldn’t throw things at me or stick my hands in the fire or beat me for being born. Someone who would hear that I’d been thrown away and would try to find me, who would never be afraid of me.
Someone who’d know I’d never try to hurt them.
Sen benimdin: rüyanın görkemleriyle doldum.
Ben, uykuda sultandım, uyanınca hiç oldum.
•••
Thus have I had thee as a dream doth flatter,
In sleep a king, but waking no such matter.
Sayfa 87Kitabı okuyor
I have a dream
Bir düşüm var benim
öyle bir düş ki;
bir gün Georgia'nın kızıl tepelerinde
kölelerin ve eski köle sahiplerinin oğulları
kardeşlik sofrasında birlikte oturabilecekler,
bir gün adaletsizliğin ve baskının sıcağıyla kavrulan
Missisippi bile
bir özgürlük ve adalet beldesine dönüşecek.
Sayfa 45 - Martin Luther King Jr.Kitabı okudu
A secret is a strange thing.
There are three kinds of secrets. One is the sort everyone knows about, the sort you need at least two people for. One to keep it. One to never know. The second is a harder kind of secret: one you keep from yourself. Every day, thousands of confessions are kept from their would-be confessors, none of these people knowing that their never-admitted secrets all boil down to the same three words: I am afraid.
And then there is the third kind of secret, the most hidden kind. A secret no one knows about. Perhaps it was known once, but was taken to the grave. Or maybe it is a useless mystery, arcane and lonely, unfound because no one ever looked for it.
Sometimes, some rare times, a secret stays undiscovered because it is something too big for the mind to hold. It is too strange, too vast, too terrifying to contemplate.
All of us have secrets in our lives. We’re keepers or keptfrom, players or played. Secrets and cockroaches — that’s what will be left at the end of it all.
Şirket bünyesinde elemanların verimliliğini arttırmak ve motivasyonu güçlendirmek için çeşitli zamanlarda seminerler düzenliyorlardı. İyi giyimli adamlar konferans salonunda toplanan ve hayranlıktan dudakları yere düşmüş genç insanlara ateşli konuşmalar yapıyorlardı. Sanki Luther King meydana doluşan kalabalıklara " I have a dream" türünden söylevler veriyordu. Böylesine dinsel bir havaya bürünüyordu ortam. Adam ellerini kollarını sallayıp havarilerine öğütler veriyordu ve hep bir ağızdan tekrar ettiriyordu. Allah' ım bu bir büyü olmalıydı! Onlarca genç insan hırsla dişlerini sıkıp , gırtlakları patlarcasına bağırıyordu. Kazanacağım, yapacağım, başaracağım, yükseleceğim ve daha neler neler. Bense kusmamak için ortamı terk ediyordum bir süre sonra.
... Yine bu seminerlerden birinde adam heyecanla anlatıyordu ve söz istedim.Adam katılımcı ortamın nimetlerinden faydalanmak için hemen söz verdi.
"Bize biraz da ölümden söz eder misin?"
" Nasıl? Ne ölümü?..."
Ortalık buz kesmişti. Sadece gözlerimden kaçan kırlangıçların kanat sesleri duyuluyordu. Lanet herif, bir ayinin ortasında çıkmış ve insanların huzurunu bozmaya çalışıyordu. Biraz cesaret edebilseler, ilkel dinlerin kurban törenlerinden biri gerçekleşebilirdi. Ortalığı daha fazla germemek için çıkıp gitmiştim. Islığımla ölüm marşını çalmayı da ihmal etmedim...
Sayfa 64
Roman gibi bir şiir: Faith and Despondency
‘The winter wind is loud and wild,
Come close to me, my darling child;
Forsake thy books, and mateless play;
And, while the night is gathering grey,
We’ll talk its pensive hours away; –
‘Iernë, round our sheltered hall
November’s gusts unheeded call;
Not one faint breath can enter here
Enough to wave my daughter’s hair,
And I am glad to
Penguin Classics - İnanç ve UmutsuzlukKitabı okudu
"Will you kill me in a way that won’t hurt? I mean, do it carefully. If I don’t fight; okay? I promise not to fight. Do you agree?”
She seemed more externally composed now. But still fundamentally frantic and tense. Yet, the dark fire waned; the life force oozed out of her, as he had so often witnessed before with other androids. The classic resignation. Mechanical, intellectual acceptance of that which a genuine organism—with two billion years of the pressure to live and evolve hagriding it—could never have reconciled itself to.
“I can’t stand the way you androids give up,” he said savagely.
Chapter 17Kitabı okudu
“Buy me a reproduction of that picture I was looking at when you found me. The one of the girl sitting on the bed.”
After a pause Rick said to the clerk, a heavy-jowled, middle-aged woman with netted gray hair, “Do you have a print of Munch’s Puberty?”
“Only in this book of his collected work,” the clerk said, lifting down a handsome glossy volume. “Twenty-five dollars.”
“I’ll take it.” He reached for his wallet.
Phil Resch said, “My departmental budget could never in a million years be stretched—”
“My own money,” Rick said; he handed the woman the bills and Luba the book. “Now let’s get started down,” he said to her and Phil Resch.
“It’s very nice of you,” Luba said as they entered the elevator. “There’s something very strange and touching about humans. An android would never have done that.” She glanced icily at Phil Resch. “It wouldn’t have occurred to him; as he said, never in a million years.” She continued to gaze at Resch, now with manifold hostility and aversion.
“I really don’t like androids. Ever since I got here from Mars my life has consisted of imitating the human, doing what she would do, acting as if I had the thoughts and impulses a human would have. Imitating, as far as I’m concerned, a superior life-form.” To Phil Resch she said, “Isn’t that how it’s been with you, Resch?"
Chapter 12Kitabı okudu